2017: YEAR OF GROWTH

It's been more than a year since I last blogged. It feels weird to be typing in this space again... so please cut me some slack if whatever that I am about to say sounds choppy.

I started 2016 slogging my life away at work then, entered Uni and was busy studying; writing essays, research papers and preparing for exams. I had to write so much that it deterred me from anymore writing so I did not want to blog at all. Also, I think as I grow up, I feel less compelled to have my feelings/opinions heard/acknowledged. Not that I no longer like sharing about my life anymore.

In 2016, I went back to school, joined a CCA (Judo) which is one of the many martial arts I have been interested in since young and was feeling pretty fulfilled with my life. I made new friends, scored well and worked really hard in school. I have never studied in my life before. LEGIT. But I did ever since Uni started. I even gave up on having a social life lol (I am not even kidding; except for those times I hung out with my uni mates to play floorball etc which was only once every few months), I would be sleeping at 3am every night because I was staying up to finish the multiple essays and assignments that were due each week. And on weekends, besides going for services, I was practically home all day to finish my essays.

I was so focused on getting adjusted with school that before I knew it, 2017 came.

I wouldn't say that 2017 was a tough year for me. Because it wasn't. I enjoyed every single moment of it. But it was definitely a tiring and capacity stretching one for me. I started the year with taking 4 modules – concluded that 5 was way too much based on my first semester especially since we had to submit a research paper individually at the end of Spring semester.

I took a look at my planner before I started typing this post and I realised I really had 0 breaks in the year. I went from one job to another, all while I was studying and juggling with my other responsibilities. So much has gone on in just 365 days.

1. I finally made the decision to be baptised. After years and years of going to church, and delaying this decision. I really feel like my lesson for 2017 was to learn obedience. Among many other lessons but this must be the main thing that I had to learn because I was never obedient.
2. I got promoted to yellow belt! HAHHAH not like yellow belt is a big thing because it's just a few notches up a white belt in judo but it was an internal struggle for me to ignore the negative mental scripts I had in my head. I remember crying so much when coach passed me my yellow belt after my test. 
3. I joined a cell group. (Or rather, went back to one) LOL this was definitely slightly surprising for the people around me because I hardly ever talk about religion and I am never religious/obedient to go to bible study/pray/read the bible much less join a cg. And trust me, I didn't go willingly the first time. But well, many things happened that led me to make this decision and I am happy I made that decision to go – or rather, I was led to do so.
4. I took up part time internships. I started working while studying full time. The start was a struggle especially since it was Summer semester; known to be the most intense semester. Having inexperienced managers and bosses didn't make it easier either. Everyday at work, I had to figure out my role and my purposes for joining the company - because they didn't give me any work. Then I joined Certis Cisco and got busier. I remember OT-ing my first day till 9pm. It was really a struggle at the start because Fall semester came and we were all crazy busy in school trying to keep up with the assignments, exams and project deadlines. But no regrets because the people are nice here and I wouldn't trade my time here for any other part time jobs/internships. 
5. I turned 23 and was given 13 cakes and 9 surprises. I felt really blessed. And even right now as I am typing this post, I still feel thankful/grateful to have friends who are willing to do so much for me. From UBCRU to my uni mates to Loud girls and the various groups of friends treating me to meals. ME IZ TRULY HAPPY AND LOVED.
6. Brother was admitted into ICU. It was scary. My whole family was thrown into a state of shock. I remember sitting in service with my friends when I received the text message and was fighting to hold back my tears (lol I couldn't). He was in there for more than a week and underwent 3 operations. Bad news kept coming one after another. November was not an easy month for me. It was nearing my exam period and I had multiple assignment submissions. Dealing with difficult, lazy teammates was one thing. But I also had to deal with their drama while trying to complete my part and their part of the assignment so I can do well for my modules. Besides school, I had to juggle with work and other commitments. It all slowly became frustrating for me. So the sudden news that my brother had to be admitted to ICU because of Throracic Outlet Syndrome caused by repetitive badminton trauma made everything worse. Especially since doctors found a 20cm blood clot from his arms all the way to his heart as well as multiple clots in his lungs. Everyday before and after school/work, I went down to the hospital to be there for my family and made sure my brother was okay emotionally. The medical bill and politics my family had handle was not easy either. But through this my capacity was enlarged and I have learnt a lot from this, not just in terms of how to act, how to react but medical terms (LOL), insurance, dealing with politics, kindness, last but not least, the importance of nurses (which should not be looked down on as a profession/study course). My brother has been discharged for about a month now and is recovering well. He has been going for doctor's appointment and physio weekly to regain his ability and taking his injections twice daily. I cannot wait for him to be back on court – he insists on going back to badminton.
7. Trip to Xi'an! Finally got to see my terracotta warriors. I have always been fascinated about China's history even though I might not like its culture. And I was glad I went on this trip. It was mostly an educational trip but no regrets because so much have been added on to my knowledge!
8. First thanksgiving! Grateful to have spent time with the people I have spent time with :)

I have honestly grown so much from just June 2016 to Dec 2017 alone and they are not my own words but the words of others. I learnt to prioritise better and while friends to me are still important, I no longer hold back the decision to let go of ones who aren't my constant. I am excited for what this new year will bring.

Onto 2018! 

Planning for your 21st

It's been a really long time since I've done this that I almost forgot how to start.

HELLO INTERNET FRIENDS!

I know my 21st birthday was wayyyyy over but I told myself while planning my own birthday party that I will come up with a post to help those who might need a little guiding to hosting their own party and so here I am – after several months of procrastination but I'm sure many of you are nice enough to understand.

Just a little bit of detail before I get started. My 21st birthday was last year and it was held at NSRCC.
I wanted to host 2 separate birthday parties initially (one for family/relatives and the other for friends) because I felt that it might be awkward for my friends if there are too many adults around but I ditched that idea in the end. Even so, it all went on well.



I only had one objective for my party which was for everyone to enjoy themselves and not have anyone feel excluded/awkward/be isolated in cliques.

I remember being so troubled over this while I was planning my party because I really didn't want it to be like most 21st parties I've been to where everyone is just seated in their own cliques mingling among themselves. So much so that I kept telling my parents and friends months before the party "if everyone in the room is awkward with one another and in their own little groups, then I don't want to hold a party".

But Joshua told me "if your friends are really your friends then they would socialise and not be awkward because if they are awkward, the only person it reflects badly on is you" so, I decided to just chill out and put my faith in my friends.

Now, back to planning

1. Objectives
Knowing the objectives you want to achieve for your party is more important than the dramatic themes you can think of (or at least for me). I feel like knowing the objectives of hosting your birthday party will help you plan so much better. For me, I didn't want it to be awkward so I'd put most of my time and effort in planning the games that my friends can play to get to know each other and encourage them to socialise.

For many of the 21st parties I've been to, the goal was to get as many nice photos possible and so to achieve that, their planning mainly focuses on the theme, deco and getting a photobooth/photographer.

2. Guests
It's not a party without guests. While the venue of your party is important, knowing who and the number of people you would like to invite helps you in choosing your venue a lot easier. If you booked the venue of your party first, say a small boutique hotel before even considering the number of guests you're inviting then you're basically going to blame yourself later when you realise you are unable to invite as many people as you wished to due to space constraints or the hotel's policy.

Because my objective was to minimise the chances of people hanging out in groups instead of socialising, I decided to drop many people off my list and only selected people whom I am confident of them staying in my life for a lonnnnnng time. I wanted my close friends to know each other better and next time when I talk about the people I love, they can finally put a face to the name.

3. Venue
Up next is the venue for your party! Which is probably one of the hardest to decide. Typically, the choices are either at home, cafes, function rooms, hotel or chalets.

However, while I was researching on venues, I found out a few other places that aren't so typical compared to those which I've mentioned. For example, void decks (yeah it is possible and pretty cheap too), botanic gardens, tanjong beach club, KTV rooms or you might just want to book a whole airbnb apartment.

Very often, people choose between booking a cafe venue vs a chalet so I decided to list out some pro and cons (based on own as well as friends' experiences).

But whatever the venue is, make sure you always book in advance especially for SAF chalets because they're half of the time fully booked! I would say book it 3/4 months in advance.

4. Theme
We're down to the more exciting part. *cheers* For me, the theme wasn't thaaaat important to me. However, my friends told me that if I wanted my photos to come out nicely, I should at least have a theme so I had all my friends wear white which was a more convenient colour. And thank god I listened to them because honestly, if you don't have a theme your photos gonna come out pretty wrecked (esp for group photos) unless you have an extremely good photographer + he/she helps you edit the photos taken. I helped John edit all his photos for his birthday because he didn't have a theme and the place wasn't decorated and gawdddd it really took a lot of time and effort especially since I didn't have lightroom.

I know of people who paid for planners to help them decorate their venue and buffet table. But you can always do it yourself and if you have really good friends around, they'll probably volunteer their services to help you decorate the place.

Yanting came right after her work, tired and hungry to help me out (cause I ordered her to haahahahhah). I remember Jingci and Cassa calling me to tell me they'll come early and they even asked me to take a video to show them how much I've decorated the place already so that they can buy more decos to make the place look nicer?!?!?! (I know how expensive it is to buy those that they bought wtf what did I ever do to deserve people like them *bawl eyes out*

Note: You can many decorations and balloons at taobao for a fraction of the price that's sold in Singapore so do make sure you do your homework and plan early. To blow up helium balloons, you can go to any balloon shop to do it for you but I would suggest you just buying/renting a helium gas tank cause it's so much cheaper – I bought myself a helium tank which looked really cute but I have to leave it at the chalet after that because there was no more space in the car. Meh ):

5. Food
Next would be food. Which is probably the simplest? Just cater whatever food you would like to have! For my cake, while I know that many people are particular about how pretty it looks for photo taking, I didn't really bothered about how it looks as long as it tasted good. And boy, did it taste good. I've got many friends coming to me to tell me how nice the cake was and how it's probably the best crepe cake they ever had. *YAY*

6. Entertainment
Keeping your guests entertained may/may not be one of your priorities. You could just have your guests talk among themselves or stay in cliques and watch you strut around the venue but because (back to my objectives) I wanted everyone to socialise and be involved and so, that was what I spent most of my planning on. 

I prepared a little quiz that all my friends had to do to get them to socialise and with the points they earned, they will be able to redeem it for the dares that Theo came up with.

But this plan totally failed. Some of my friends did attempt to answer 

some of the questions though!

Tool tip: Your games are not going to be played/work unless you have someone else to host it/an emcee. 

I initially had Theo in mind to help me out with the games but she couldn't make it back to Singapore in time for my party so the whole plan pretty much failed. Nobody is going to listen to the birthday girl/boy if she does it her/himself especially when she/he has to be going around entertaining other guests.

Nevertheless, my friends all managed to be involved somehow and we played some other games together so that was fine I guess.

7. Invitation
Now, when is it a good time to start inviting? AS SOON AS YOUR VENUE IS BOOKED! Yes, I am not kidding. You might think months in advance is wayyyy to soon but I rather be informing my friends early so I get to "secure" the date in their schedule first than tell them a week or two in advance and they might already made plans for that day. What I did was to inform them months in advance and then send out the official invite as a reminder 2 weeks before the actual date of the party.

One thing I've learnt from this is that if your friends are really good friends, they would save the date and plan their work/meet ups etc around it just so they can make it to your birthday - after all, you informed them months in advance right? (Unless it is due to unforeseen emergency circumstances) Because I told my friends in advance, many of them were able to work their schedules out and plan take their leaves in advance (for those who have to work) etc. You get the drift. 

Of course, you'll have people who refuse to rsvp (what's new) but that's just that and you just got to learn that not everyone will make time for you. I have friends that took leave, postpone their outings/holidays to make just to keep that date free.
Shout out to those of you who took leave/kept that date free/postpone your stuffs just to attend my party. You guys know who you are and I remember who you are, you are awesome!!

And now that you've got it all prepared, it's time to treat yourself a little and enjoy the time before you step into adulthood :)


P/s. My party was a success of course!

And it's all because I have wonderful friends :)

THE TIME BEFORE YOU BROKE ME

I wanted to feel loved and be loved. But as soon as I felt it, I pulled away. 

Funny how my heart aches when I feel loved. 

Funny how my mind and my heart has gotten so used to the pain that I have experienced while I was loving the people I loved.

Funny that now when someone loves me and I feel loved, my mind quickly connects and links that to all the hurts and disappointments that I can't even put to words.

Funny how love now, hurts.

And all I ask for is to be able to love and feel loved again without aching.