2017: YEAR OF GROWTH

It's been more than a year since I last blogged. It feels weird to be typing in this space again... so please cut me some slack if whatever that I am about to say sounds choppy.

I started 2016 slogging my life away at work then, entered Uni and was busy studying; writing essays, research papers and preparing for exams. I had to write so much that it deterred me from anymore writing so I did not want to blog at all. Also, I think as I grow up, I feel less compelled to have my feelings/opinions heard/acknowledged. Not that I no longer like sharing about my life anymore.

In 2016, I went back to school, joined a CCA (Judo) which is one of the many martial arts I have been interested in since young and was feeling pretty fulfilled with my life. I made new friends, scored well and worked really hard in school. I have never studied in my life before. LEGIT. But I did ever since Uni started. I even gave up on having a social life lol (I am not even kidding; except for those times I hung out with my uni mates to play floorball etc which was only once every few months), I would be sleeping at 3am every night because I was staying up to finish the multiple essays and assignments that were due each week. And on weekends, besides going for services, I was practically home all day to finish my essays.

I was so focused on getting adjusted with school that before I knew it, 2017 came.

I wouldn't say that 2017 was a tough year for me. Because it wasn't. I enjoyed every single moment of it. But it was definitely a tiring and capacity stretching one for me. I started the year with taking 4 modules – concluded that 5 was way too much based on my first semester especially since we had to submit a research paper individually at the end of Spring semester.

I took a look at my planner before I started typing this post and I realised I really had 0 breaks in the year. I went from one job to another, all while I was studying and juggling with my other responsibilities. So much has gone on in just 365 days.

1. I finally made the decision to be baptised. After years and years of going to church, and delaying this decision. I really feel like my lesson for 2017 was to learn obedience. Among many other lessons but this must be the main thing that I had to learn because I was never obedient.
2. I got promoted to yellow belt! HAHHAH not like yellow belt is a big thing because it's just a few notches up a white belt in judo but it was an internal struggle for me to ignore the negative mental scripts I had in my head. I remember crying so much when coach passed me my yellow belt after my test. 
3. I joined a cell group. (Or rather, went back to one) LOL this was definitely slightly surprising for the people around me because I hardly ever talk about religion and I am never religious/obedient to go to bible study/pray/read the bible much less join a cg. And trust me, I didn't go willingly the first time. But well, many things happened that led me to make this decision and I am happy I made that decision to go – or rather, I was led to do so.
4. I took up part time internships. I started working while studying full time. The start was a struggle especially since it was Summer semester; known to be the most intense semester. Having inexperienced managers and bosses didn't make it easier either. Everyday at work, I had to figure out my role and my purposes for joining the company - because they didn't give me any work. Then I joined Certis Cisco and got busier. I remember OT-ing my first day till 9pm. It was really a struggle at the start because Fall semester came and we were all crazy busy in school trying to keep up with the assignments, exams and project deadlines. But no regrets because the people are nice here and I wouldn't trade my time here for any other part time jobs/internships. 
5. I turned 23 and was given 13 cakes and 9 surprises. I felt really blessed. And even right now as I am typing this post, I still feel thankful/grateful to have friends who are willing to do so much for me. From UBCRU to my uni mates to Loud girls and the various groups of friends treating me to meals. ME IZ TRULY HAPPY AND LOVED.
6. Brother was admitted into ICU. It was scary. My whole family was thrown into a state of shock. I remember sitting in service with my friends when I received the text message and was fighting to hold back my tears (lol I couldn't). He was in there for more than a week and underwent 3 operations. Bad news kept coming one after another. November was not an easy month for me. It was nearing my exam period and I had multiple assignment submissions. Dealing with difficult, lazy teammates was one thing. But I also had to deal with their drama while trying to complete my part and their part of the assignment so I can do well for my modules. Besides school, I had to juggle with work and other commitments. It all slowly became frustrating for me. So the sudden news that my brother had to be admitted to ICU because of Throracic Outlet Syndrome caused by repetitive badminton trauma made everything worse. Especially since doctors found a 20cm blood clot from his arms all the way to his heart as well as multiple clots in his lungs. Everyday before and after school/work, I went down to the hospital to be there for my family and made sure my brother was okay emotionally. The medical bill and politics my family had handle was not easy either. But through this my capacity was enlarged and I have learnt a lot from this, not just in terms of how to act, how to react but medical terms (LOL), insurance, dealing with politics, kindness, last but not least, the importance of nurses (which should not be looked down on as a profession/study course). My brother has been discharged for about a month now and is recovering well. He has been going for doctor's appointment and physio weekly to regain his ability and taking his injections twice daily. I cannot wait for him to be back on court – he insists on going back to badminton.
7. Trip to Xi'an! Finally got to see my terracotta warriors. I have always been fascinated about China's history even though I might not like its culture. And I was glad I went on this trip. It was mostly an educational trip but no regrets because so much have been added on to my knowledge!
8. First thanksgiving! Grateful to have spent time with the people I have spent time with :)

I have honestly grown so much from just June 2016 to Dec 2017 alone and they are not my own words but the words of others. I learnt to prioritise better and while friends to me are still important, I no longer hold back the decision to let go of ones who aren't my constant. I am excited for what this new year will bring.

Onto 2018! 

Planning for your 21st

It's been a really long time since I've done this that I almost forgot how to start.

HELLO INTERNET FRIENDS!

I know my 21st birthday was wayyyyy over but I told myself while planning my own birthday party that I will come up with a post to help those who might need a little guiding to hosting their own party and so here I am – after several months of procrastination but I'm sure many of you are nice enough to understand.

Just a little bit of detail before I get started. My 21st birthday was last year and it was held at NSRCC.
I wanted to host 2 separate birthday parties initially (one for family/relatives and the other for friends) because I felt that it might be awkward for my friends if there are too many adults around but I ditched that idea in the end. Even so, it all went on well.



I only had one objective for my party which was for everyone to enjoy themselves and not have anyone feel excluded/awkward/be isolated in cliques.

I remember being so troubled over this while I was planning my party because I really didn't want it to be like most 21st parties I've been to where everyone is just seated in their own cliques mingling among themselves. So much so that I kept telling my parents and friends months before the party "if everyone in the room is awkward with one another and in their own little groups, then I don't want to hold a party".

But Joshua told me "if your friends are really your friends then they would socialise and not be awkward because if they are awkward, the only person it reflects badly on is you" so, I decided to just chill out and put my faith in my friends.

Now, back to planning

1. Objectives
Knowing the objectives you want to achieve for your party is more important than the dramatic themes you can think of (or at least for me). I feel like knowing the objectives of hosting your birthday party will help you plan so much better. For me, I didn't want it to be awkward so I'd put most of my time and effort in planning the games that my friends can play to get to know each other and encourage them to socialise.

For many of the 21st parties I've been to, the goal was to get as many nice photos possible and so to achieve that, their planning mainly focuses on the theme, deco and getting a photobooth/photographer.

2. Guests
It's not a party without guests. While the venue of your party is important, knowing who and the number of people you would like to invite helps you in choosing your venue a lot easier. If you booked the venue of your party first, say a small boutique hotel before even considering the number of guests you're inviting then you're basically going to blame yourself later when you realise you are unable to invite as many people as you wished to due to space constraints or the hotel's policy.

Because my objective was to minimise the chances of people hanging out in groups instead of socialising, I decided to drop many people off my list and only selected people whom I am confident of them staying in my life for a lonnnnnng time. I wanted my close friends to know each other better and next time when I talk about the people I love, they can finally put a face to the name.

3. Venue
Up next is the venue for your party! Which is probably one of the hardest to decide. Typically, the choices are either at home, cafes, function rooms, hotel or chalets.

However, while I was researching on venues, I found out a few other places that aren't so typical compared to those which I've mentioned. For example, void decks (yeah it is possible and pretty cheap too), botanic gardens, tanjong beach club, KTV rooms or you might just want to book a whole airbnb apartment.

Very often, people choose between booking a cafe venue vs a chalet so I decided to list out some pro and cons (based on own as well as friends' experiences).

But whatever the venue is, make sure you always book in advance especially for SAF chalets because they're half of the time fully booked! I would say book it 3/4 months in advance.

4. Theme
We're down to the more exciting part. *cheers* For me, the theme wasn't thaaaat important to me. However, my friends told me that if I wanted my photos to come out nicely, I should at least have a theme so I had all my friends wear white which was a more convenient colour. And thank god I listened to them because honestly, if you don't have a theme your photos gonna come out pretty wrecked (esp for group photos) unless you have an extremely good photographer + he/she helps you edit the photos taken. I helped John edit all his photos for his birthday because he didn't have a theme and the place wasn't decorated and gawdddd it really took a lot of time and effort especially since I didn't have lightroom.

I know of people who paid for planners to help them decorate their venue and buffet table. But you can always do it yourself and if you have really good friends around, they'll probably volunteer their services to help you decorate the place.

Yanting came right after her work, tired and hungry to help me out (cause I ordered her to haahahahhah). I remember Jingci and Cassa calling me to tell me they'll come early and they even asked me to take a video to show them how much I've decorated the place already so that they can buy more decos to make the place look nicer?!?!?! (I know how expensive it is to buy those that they bought wtf what did I ever do to deserve people like them *bawl eyes out*

Note: You can many decorations and balloons at taobao for a fraction of the price that's sold in Singapore so do make sure you do your homework and plan early. To blow up helium balloons, you can go to any balloon shop to do it for you but I would suggest you just buying/renting a helium gas tank cause it's so much cheaper – I bought myself a helium tank which looked really cute but I have to leave it at the chalet after that because there was no more space in the car. Meh ):

5. Food
Next would be food. Which is probably the simplest? Just cater whatever food you would like to have! For my cake, while I know that many people are particular about how pretty it looks for photo taking, I didn't really bothered about how it looks as long as it tasted good. And boy, did it taste good. I've got many friends coming to me to tell me how nice the cake was and how it's probably the best crepe cake they ever had. *YAY*

6. Entertainment
Keeping your guests entertained may/may not be one of your priorities. You could just have your guests talk among themselves or stay in cliques and watch you strut around the venue but because (back to my objectives) I wanted everyone to socialise and be involved and so, that was what I spent most of my planning on. 

I prepared a little quiz that all my friends had to do to get them to socialise and with the points they earned, they will be able to redeem it for the dares that Theo came up with.

But this plan totally failed. Some of my friends did attempt to answer 

some of the questions though!

Tool tip: Your games are not going to be played/work unless you have someone else to host it/an emcee. 

I initially had Theo in mind to help me out with the games but she couldn't make it back to Singapore in time for my party so the whole plan pretty much failed. Nobody is going to listen to the birthday girl/boy if she does it her/himself especially when she/he has to be going around entertaining other guests.

Nevertheless, my friends all managed to be involved somehow and we played some other games together so that was fine I guess.

7. Invitation
Now, when is it a good time to start inviting? AS SOON AS YOUR VENUE IS BOOKED! Yes, I am not kidding. You might think months in advance is wayyyy to soon but I rather be informing my friends early so I get to "secure" the date in their schedule first than tell them a week or two in advance and they might already made plans for that day. What I did was to inform them months in advance and then send out the official invite as a reminder 2 weeks before the actual date of the party.

One thing I've learnt from this is that if your friends are really good friends, they would save the date and plan their work/meet ups etc around it just so they can make it to your birthday - after all, you informed them months in advance right? (Unless it is due to unforeseen emergency circumstances) Because I told my friends in advance, many of them were able to work their schedules out and plan take their leaves in advance (for those who have to work) etc. You get the drift. 

Of course, you'll have people who refuse to rsvp (what's new) but that's just that and you just got to learn that not everyone will make time for you. I have friends that took leave, postpone their outings/holidays to make just to keep that date free.
Shout out to those of you who took leave/kept that date free/postpone your stuffs just to attend my party. You guys know who you are and I remember who you are, you are awesome!!

And now that you've got it all prepared, it's time to treat yourself a little and enjoy the time before you step into adulthood :)


P/s. My party was a success of course!

And it's all because I have wonderful friends :)

THE TIME BEFORE YOU BROKE ME

I wanted to feel loved and be loved. But as soon as I felt it, I pulled away. 

Funny how my heart aches when I feel loved. 

Funny how my mind and my heart has gotten so used to the pain that I have experienced while I was loving the people I loved.

Funny that now when someone loves me and I feel loved, my mind quickly connects and links that to all the hurts and disappointments that I can't even put to words.

Funny how love now, hurts.

And all I ask for is to be able to love and feel loved again without aching.

THE BRAVE MAY NOT LIVE FOREVER, BUT THE CAUTIOUS DON'T LIVE AT ALL.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. Get up, take a shower, pick up the pieces and do something for myself.
I learnt that my past has made me much of a stronger person, enough to protect someone while I'm hurting and yet, hold it all together. I plucked up the courage and faced my fears, I live a life that I want because I had the guts to admit to my feelings and face the truth – unlike you.

You think you know all about it then it seems you are wrong,

She hit it out of the park before it’d even begun, I needed sunshine in the darkness burning out, 

Well now I know that I’m the fuel and she’s the spark. 

We are bound to each other’s hearts, Cold, torn, and pulled apart 

This love, is like wildfire, 

And to my word now I’ll be true, I can’t stop this breaking loose 

This love, is like wildfire, Like wildfire.

ONTO BETTER THINGS

It is definitely such a downer that I decided to post a heavy hearted post when we are just 3 weeks into the new year. But this post has been kept at the back of my head since Christmas and I am not one to just "let things go" if I feel so bothered by it. So I just thought I will get everything I have been wanting to say typed out.

As much as I love bringing up my past self, I have come to a point where I finally admit that those were in the past and I can never be the person I used to be. I said this in my previous post. From 2013 - 2015, I was struggling with identifying with myself so much because even though I am fully aware that things have changed, and have to change, I was unable to come to terms with the many things that have happened. - Those situations/circumstances have forever changed me, the way I feel about things, the way I see things, the way I learn to deal with things.

I guess the reluctance to accept that things have changed, including me, lead me into the state of self identity crisis. I no longer know who I was, who I am and who I wanted to be. And these, eventually lead me to be a person with such incredible low self esteem especially in 2014 and 2015.

I have never been so paranoid and have never doubted myself so much. NEVER. But of course, nobody knew. Except for a few, or those who were observant enough to notice. Behind the facade of the girl who was once so sure of herself, was a self doubting girl, in need of constant assurance. My poor bestf who had to deal with her own set of problems had to be there to help me deal with mine.

But nobody knew, nobody could tell. Because I was still acting like the strong headed girl who didn't mind about hurting others with her words as long as she could say her last. But each time after those incidents/fights/quarrels, I would turn to Theo and Yanting and asked them if everything was truly my fault. I wouldn't even take their "no" for an answer and would often tell them that they were lying to make me feel better.

"Don't you think that it must be true since I am the only one who is and who has been losing her friends?", "Seems like the problem has always been just me". I blamed myself for everything that happened, I even sent out apologies. Even though (right now, clear headed as hell), most of the things that happened wasn't entirely my fault. TBH, I thought it was quite stupid of me to blame myself for everything. NOT that I now think that I was totally right, but I could have been a bigger person to let certain things slide.

I am not the same Charman I used to be. And I won't even want to compare the Charman then and the Charman now because I AM STILL ME. My thoughts might have changed, the way I deal with things have definitely changed but deep down, my personality and my values, remains the EXACT same.

I have been less "forgiving" to those who have left me. But that doesn't mean I haven't already forgiven them. I just stopped welcoming them back into my life with opened arms like I used to. I stopped reaching out to my close/good friends and it is not like I have stopped loving them. I just stopped caring as much especially when I had so much to deal with last year.

This is contradicting to say but hey, as much as I have changed, I am still the same. It hurts me to find out that some of the people I care about won't reach out to me because they think that I have decided to give up on them just cause I stopped making an effort to connect with them.

I used to send really random text message to people I care about to ask them what they are up to, to update them about my life, to get them to meet up. I used to send people Christmas messages and send a personalised messaged to wish EVERY SINGLE ONE of those I love into the new year and remind them how important they are to me. But with so much that was happening, so much to deal with and so much work to do I decided to put it all to a stop.
I can't always be the one reaching out, being available for people that I care about, being the one to remind them that I will always be there. When I made a decision to stop, it broke my heart to realise that everything was really one sided. When Charman stops making an effort the friendship ends. HALF A YEAR I WAITED, but only a few reached out.

Like I have said, I am different now, I learnt and I grow and I have decided that if I have to be the only one who has to make an effort, I will let the friendship go. I free my time up for the people I love, to meet me when they have time and when they have time/are ready, funny that now that I think about it, those were the people who have never done the same for me.

I am still the same Charman that would always put friendship above everything else. I am still the sentimental girl who would keep cards and even text messages just so I could go back and look at them from time to time to remind myself that there was a time when all things were well.

But I have to stop being the girl who for the ones she loves, would forsake all, including herself.

2015: YEAR OF GROWTH, SPONTANEITY, TRAGEDY

Well, hello there. 

After a long break from not blogging, I'm back! Of course I can't miss my yearly tradition of ending the year with another long ass blog post no matter how busy/lazy I am.

This year has been as stated in my title, more or less a tragedy. 

People say that the best age to be is when you turn 21. You're supposed to look your best, be in the best state of mind, health, physical wise.... but for me, I am everything but the total opposite of feeling the best. – I will leave that for later.

I started 2015 a little differently this year when I joined the insane crowd right at Victoria Harbour, Hong Kong for the countdown. 

And went right back to (the most dreaded 3 years) school to complete my last semester as a good student and graduated with a diploma in May. YAY. *Rolls eyes*

Then, came June and together with Yanting, I flew to Perth to surprise my best for her 21st birthday. 

We spent 2 weeks there and I came back to rush the planning for my own 21st birthday. IT. WAS. EXHAUSTING.

Charmy21
Pretty much sums up my party. BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHY DO MY FRIENDS NOT HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY :@Music: Techno Fan - The Wombats
Posted by Charman Chuang on Wednesday, July 8, 2015

A week later on 20th July, I started work in a media agency and fast forward to now, the year passed just like that. MEH.
And in-between the start of work life to the end of the year, I gained weight, looked a lot older, and basically, am in the worst state I have ever been in - looks, health and figure wise.

Nevertheless, 2015 has definitely been memorable. I made many spontaneous decisions this year and regretted none of them.

- I had my hair cut short
And have been keeping it short since Feb.

- I made a few good friends before leaving the shitty school

- Went cycling around Pulau Ubin

 - And hiking at Mc'Ritchie to Bukit Timah

- Made an insane and really spontaneous decision to meet someone I got to know online, something I'd never done/will never do
And I'm glad I did. I just wished I could turn back time and change how I was behaving cause I was pretty rude.

- Attended Social Night

Was made a really proud sister thanks to my brother.

- Then, went for midnight cycling when it was 200PSI. 
We cycled from East Coast Park (ECP) all the way to Gardens By The Bay, Fullerton Hotel, back to ECP and to Changi to watch the planes and back to ECP in the morning. I DIED AND I'M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN, EVER.

- I also made a spontaneous decision to go blonde
Which costed me 1k to get the colours fixed because it first turned green, then really yellow. And eventually, damaged my hair. Not sure if I've regretted it though. I think it's in-between. But oh wells, at least I've tried being blonde once in my life.

- Made an insane decision to go to Bangkok with someone I HAVE NEVER hung out with in 21 years of my life

And thank God it turned out well.

This year, I pampered myself a lot more but I loved myself less.
Facial appointments, hair salon visits, laser, waxing and shopping. NONE of them could make me feel better about myself other than taking care of me, my physical body well. I have never had issues with my self esteem but now.

I realised the importance of knowing who's worth the effort and who's not.
The people I surrounded myself with had a direct impact on the way I feel. I learnt to stop considering people whom don't make an effort, doesn't make me feel appreciated as friends. I learnt so much about letting go last year, and unlike Charman in the past, I had no qualms about inviting people who are not planning to stay, to leave my life. And to those who left me and wanted yourself back in this year,

WHATEVER. LOL.

I learnt that money really doesn't mean anything if you do not have time; for your loved ones or even for yourself.

I felt so much like a zombie working almost 24/7. Knocking off at 2am and going home to continue with work till 4am before going to bed and starting the same cycle again after 3hrs of sleep. 

I learnt that some choices made in life, can close certain doors for you and it's impossible to turn it around. 

I regretted nothing. But at the same time, I can't help but wished I had woken up sooner.

There comes a point in time when you know that you can no longer grasp what's no longer there because what has passed, is now past. The only thing you know to and the only thing you can do, is to keep moving forward and improve. I distant so much from the person I used to be, I can no longer remember who she was. I used to mention "The old me/Charman" a lot because I couldn't let go and I didn't want to move on. But I've accepted it now, I've grown, I've learnt and I changed.

So this is good bye 2015, I CAN'T WAIT TO START A NEW YEAR.

January has been all planned out since 2 months ago and I so am ready for it. Can't wait to build myself, my health and my life back up from square 1. In 2016, I am going to work towards being the best version of myself.

TOO NAIVE, TOO HOPEFUL

It is so distant from my memory, but I have never once forgotten it. The first time I heard you say what could have possibly broken me, I didn't believe it.

I was so hopeful of the world, or maybe I was just naive. I didn't believe a word you said, though it did hurt me. I was so full of hope, that despite what you said, I told myself it was only in a fit of anger. That in this world possibly, you are the only one who would love me this deeply.

It wasn't just once I heard you say that sentence, you said it twice, thrice, now so often that I stopped counting the number of times. 

But today, I will always remember. Because now I'm sure, since you said it so clear.

You'll be shocked, kids. When someone you thought loved you the most in this world, tell you that they hated it when they hear you speak. 

CHARMY'S 21

"If everyone in the room is awkward with one another and in their own little groups, then I don't want to hold a party" was something I kept telling my parents and my friends.

There were so many things happening at once last night. I was tired but I was happy and I was moved.

Because more than having my loved ones all in one place celebrating my 21st, I saw them interacting with one another. My friends with my grandparents, my cousins with my friends. There was a brief moment when I decided to stop what I was doing and take a look around and I quietly told myself that I have worried for nothing. 

I said so many "thank you(s)" to so many of you and I still don't think it is enough. I really cannot be more thankful. 

First and foremost, my parents for being my main sponsors for my party despite me telling them confidently that I would pay for my own. For helping me make sure that the food and beverages are all taken care of while I was in Perth and couldn't do the planning and ordering.

My brother, for helping me host my friends and being such a good and thoughtful one. From helping me with the decorations and food the night after he booked out from camp to bringing a bunch of my friends to play pool, bowling and for KTV and then having to book in the following day. You sacrificed your weekends out of camp and the comfy bed at home to make sure my party runs smoothly and I really am very thankful. I was so tired when we got home and only woke up to realise that you have already gone back to camp I didn't even have a chance to thank you. –But you know that I love you!! (Can't wait to get my present from you next weekend :P) 
And though the youngest one only came back the very night from his competition overseas, I know he'll do the same for me.

And it sure wasn't just my parents, brother and I who were tired. Because along side with my family, I had 3 super duper helpers. Or what they would like to call themselves that night, my managers Cassa, Jingci and Yanting. I whined about being tired but you girls didn't. Even when I know deep down, that you girls would be more tired than I am because you girls did much more than I had to do. From helping me with my decorations to being photographer, videographer, to helping me get food, feeding me and making sure that I was feeling okay to helping me host my other friends. The credits I have to give you girls for all that you did for me are so much more, I don't think anything I say can justify just how much you girls did and how truly thankful I am.

Last but not least, my friends and my relatives for taking time out from other celebrations and from work etc to come for my party. You guys weren't just great guests but great sports. Thank you for not isolating yourselves in a corner. Thank you for interacting. Especially my friends, for making my grandparents and cousins feel more comfortable. Thank you for my birthday song sang in 3 different languages. I kept touching my cheeks last night as you guys were singing because my cheeks were so painful from smiling. (I am not kidding, it was really painful). Thank you for all the gifts and more importanly, your presence.

God has given me so much and he even surprised me with an amazing opportunity on the week of my celebration. I am excited and hopeful for this totally unplanned journey of my life happening in about 2 weeks time.

OH MY GOD I AM 21 WHAT THE HELL.

Thank you for all the love thoughout the years (please contiue loving me even when I'm at my most stubborn and most annoying).

This is Charman, signing off!!!!!

Video: https://www.facebook.com/chgchrmz/videos/10153216162203192/?l=7607774438626761571

Let us forget, with generosity, those who cannot love us. —Pablo Neruda

How insane it is to be crazy over someone you barely know. To find it so tough to forget someone you've only met once. To wish so badly for someone who might not even remember you. To want someone so badly even though this is never your kinda "thing".

Been sick the past few days and I'm thinking it's because I've been walking in the rain after work and not showering immediately once I reach home but went to take a nap instead. (I never knew that the "tales" from our parents like "shower immediately after being in the rain or you'll fall sick" is true?!!?!?) lol. I think I'll start listening to these advices a little more now.


Anyhows, you might just be a little interested in what I've been up the past 2 weeks of my holiday. And to answer your (whoever's) non-existent question, I've been busy with facilitating the SYF event at TRCC.

while acting pretty much like a pedo.....

LOL

Was initially really pumped up during the first week of facilitating but then my excitement and energy went downhill the week after. –But I guess I can be forgiven for the lack motivation because it's mostly due the fact that my body was starting to fail me (thus I'm sick).

That aside, I was pretty glad/touched that Joey came to visit me during her break time while I'm at work! 

Went to meet Joey after her work in town on Saturday to get some stuffs done. I felt so alive the moment I stepped into town despite being sick because it's been 2 weeks since I've left home to go anywhere (except work). And it's been 2 weeks since the last time I stepped into town.

And everyone knows I'm NEVER the kind of girl to buy anything girly. Much less floral. But yesterday, I saw this romper and made a spontaneous decision to get it. I kinda liked it too anyway. I can be girly too!!

Now, I don't know if I'll ever wear it/find a chance to wear it. lol.

Last day of SYF tomorrow. Gotta wake up super duper early and I am supposed to be asleep by now as agreed with Theo but here I am, blogging instead of sleeping/making an effort to recover. 

My effort starts now.

Good night.

DON'T TRUST CHARMING

Because the boy who can talk all the right words knows how to play it too well. 

And I know that if I fall I'll be the one who's gonna end up hurt.

But why does it seem like this time, unlike many other times, I willingly allow myself to risk it all –the walls I've took so long to build up, even though I'm pretty sure that you might be a flirt?

6 months is a long time to be crushing on someone that I'm starting to think that all these, including me, is getting so ridiculous. 

YOURS

I try to be normal around you, but the reality is that there is nothing normal about the way you make me feel. I’ve always been level-headed until you walked in and made it impossible for me to stand on my own at the sight of you.
There’s a small handful of unforgivable things that I’d rather do than to let someone take me whole. But here I am, at the tip of your fingertips, shamelessly begging you to bring me in. And I pray that your embrace will never find its way undone. 

connotativewords

FINDING TIME

Said I'll find time but I do have time. "Time" isn't what I have to find. It's my priorities in life that I have to get right.

Spontaneous Kind of Happiness

Been a long time since I updated my blog on a regular basis. But I just felt like yesterday was a day (or should I say, 'date') to remember.

Decided to make a number of spontaneous decisions yesterday since I was pretty much in the mood for it.

1. Decided to make a trip down to *SCAPE to visit the people at the office while dropping by SYMBIOSIS to visit some of my friends
2. Super duper crazy and spontaneous decision to meet up with someone I barely know
3. To go for LKY's tribute

You might be wondering why I would count them as spontaneous. I'll explain along the way. 

So, I headed down to *SCAPE in the afternoon with the intention of wanting to surprise some people. In particular, Baoer, Jeslyn and Likhock.... well, since earlier in the morning I received a message from Likhock asking me to go down. Also because, I kinda miss Jeslyn and Baoer. 

However, I've said many times to my friends and everyone else that I would NEVER go down to any RP related events after the last day of school. But I made a spontaneous decision to go down anyway. Not sure why I even did that because at the very moment when I stepped into the Ground Theatre, I disliked it already. Nevertheless, it felt good to be able to see Bryan, Likhock, Baoer and Jeslyn. And even have Baoer become my bodyguard to protect me from a certain predator. LOL.

After which, I headed to Shaw to meet GG. 

If you've known me since secondary school, you will probably know that I'm not the kind who would agree to meet someone whom I just got to know. It took me 4 years to finally agree to meet L outside of school even though we've been seeing each other around school. I didn't even meet Zac out of school even though he was "close" to me for almost 2 years? 

I have never agreed to meet anyone anyone whom I've met from online even though I do know them/have seen them around in school. –Unless, I've come to know them better and become really close. (Like Leon and Zhiying)

With that said, I decided to be really spontaneous (God knows what got into me to find that courage lol) and agreed to meet. 

Me: "I'm 26 this year."

GG: "Oh really? Because I'm 35."

We headed to Coronation Building for Thai dinner before heading to his place for him to put his stuffs down and get his key and then we walked from his place to Botanics. Yet another spontaneous decision.

Anyhows, I met the guys later in the morning at around 1am as we were planning to go pay tribute. None of us wanted to go initially because of the crazy queue. However, our hearts kinda prompted us to. Sadly, an announcement was made that the Parliament will not accept anymore people that night/morning so we gave it a miss and went to have supper instead. 

These spontaneous decisions made didn't turn out that bad after all.

And I'm glad they were made :)

Gonna go back to sleep or something.

Toodles.

3:18am, First of our founding father, is no more

The world mourns its' lost, especially this country in which you've built. You were clear, wise and resilient and even endured heartbreaks in the process. You dedicated your whole life to build this nation when there was none. 

I am honored and thankful to have been in this country that was built and lead by you. You'll always be my favorite old man.

Rest in Peace LKY. We will manage from here.

How weird it is that the world doesn't stop for anybody. Even when everyone is grieving for him.

https://twitter.com/kissonyou/status/579807539048513536
https://twitter.com/kissonyou/status/579795633478873089

Imagine receiving a call last night from the doctors to go to the hospital because he was informed that his dad, wouldn't be able to make it. But yet, having to drop by to visit the crowd at the tribute area to shake their hands and thank them for their well wishes before he could go and see his father for the last time. And even after the passing of his dad, he had to hold back his own emotions to address the nation on National TV.  Lee Hsien Loong, it hasn't been easy for you to have shared your father with the nation and I thank you for that.

I remember telling someone that there's no way I can ever deal with death. The death my loved ones or even the death of my pets. And he asked me, "Would you cry over the death of someone you don't know?"  And I answered cooly, no. 
But today, I woke up after hearing my brother say "Lee Kuan Yew passed away this morning" to my mother in the living room. I wasn't feeling exceptionally sad. After all, I kinda expected it to happen since I saw the news that Lee Hsien Loong went to visit his dad yesterday. 
But my heart broke when I saw Lee Hsien Loong all choked up while in front of the national television. It broke when I saw the tribute video playing on tv with Lee Kuan Yew crying. It broke when I saw the flags being raised mid high. Today, my heart broke many times. 
You would ask me, "What has his death got to do with you so much that you have to be this affected?" 
And I would answer you, it has got to do with me, and us in every single way. Because he was the one who built this country up from when it was nothing. He was the one who had a vision for us. If not for him, I wouldn't be staying where I am staying today. We wouldn't have the education that we get to take for granted of, the transport system that we even have to be able to complain about as well as the clean sanitisation that we currently enjoy. This small global metropolis happened all because of him.
This year as we celebrate SG50, many of us will miss your presence at the parade.
I asked my mum this question many times, "how do you make sure that a person stays on, even when he/she is gone?" and the answer is simply to continue whatever that he/she has been doing when he/she was around.
#RIPLKY

Exams and CNY

Hello to you who's reading my blog!
Finally decided to get my ass up to blog again instead of lazing in bed on days when I'm not busy. I was back at *SCAPE to work for a week after my tests so I hadn't really had the time to blog...... and when I have the chance to blog like the past 3 days, I decided to wake up in the afternoon and have lunch then sleep my whole day away again. lol

I really gotta stop going out at godly sleeping hours and then waking up feeling restless the next day.


Anyhow, here's an update to how I spent my CNY this year!! As usual, my first 3 days of CNY are the busiest. Day 1 for relatives, day 2 for relatives of my dad's clique/grandparents' of my childhood friends and day 3 would be what my family likes to call, "Our open house"!


On the Eve on CNY, Theo and I made a dental appointment to get our teeth checked and cleaned!! The last time both of us had our teeth checked was in 2011?!?!!?!? But anyway, my teeth is still in good condition!! OH YEAH.

Met my family at Sakuraya after my dental appointment for lunch and got two see my brother after his 2 weeks for NS confinement!

And still very happy that I went to the dentist. 

And as usual, the first day of CNY was spent visiting my extended family and relatives.

Ended my Day 1 visitation at my paternal grandparents' side like every other year and I helped my daddy win quite a lot of money. heheh. I was on a winning streak!!!! Seriously. I was either getting ban luck, ban ban (double As) or 5 dragons for many consecutive rounds!

The second day of CNY was spent visiting the parents of my dad's friends a.k.a the grandparents of my childhood friends.

And the third day like every other year, was spent with people coming over to my place.

On Sunday, which is the 4th day of CNY, we had our neighbours gathering as usual and I headed to Yanting's place for steamboat after.

And then, I had to return to school for tests -.-

WHY MUST TESTS BE SET DURING THE CNY PERIOD SRSLY.

But not like I was really bothered because a few days later I went over to Nais's place for steamboat and gambling even though I had an important test the next day.

But it's not like I didn't try studying. I did. Just look at me holding my specs in the above photo.

Then again, it didn't make a difference whether I studied or not because my friends who have studied all didn't know how to do the test as well.

The day after, I went to school for my last paper.

Made a spontaneous decision to meet Josh at his place later in the night and Eugene joined us later for drinks till like freaking 5am. 

OH MY GOD.

So here's my update on CNY.

It's boring I know. 

):

But it's so hard

to even sit myself down and start a post these days...

I tried.