2015: YEAR OF GROWTH, SPONTANEITY, TRAGEDY

Well, hello there. 

After a long break from not blogging, I'm back! Of course I can't miss my yearly tradition of ending the year with another long ass blog post no matter how busy/lazy I am.

This year has been as stated in my title, more or less a tragedy. 

People say that the best age to be is when you turn 21. You're supposed to look your best, be in the best state of mind, health, physical wise.... but for me, I am everything but the total opposite of feeling the best. – I will leave that for later.

I started 2015 a little differently this year when I joined the insane crowd right at Victoria Harbour, Hong Kong for the countdown. 

And went right back to (the most dreaded 3 years) school to complete my last semester as a good student and graduated with a diploma in May. YAY. *Rolls eyes*

Then, came June and together with Yanting, I flew to Perth to surprise my best for her 21st birthday. 

We spent 2 weeks there and I came back to rush the planning for my own 21st birthday. IT. WAS. EXHAUSTING.

Charmy21
Pretty much sums up my party. BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHY DO MY FRIENDS NOT HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY :@Music: Techno Fan - The Wombats
Posted by Charman Chuang on Wednesday, July 8, 2015

A week later on 20th July, I started work in a media agency and fast forward to now, the year passed just like that. MEH.
And in-between the start of work life to the end of the year, I gained weight, looked a lot older, and basically, am in the worst state I have ever been in - looks, health and figure wise.

Nevertheless, 2015 has definitely been memorable. I made many spontaneous decisions this year and regretted none of them.

- I had my hair cut short
And have been keeping it short since Feb.

- I made a few good friends before leaving the shitty school

- Went cycling around Pulau Ubin

 - And hiking at Mc'Ritchie to Bukit Timah

- Made an insane and really spontaneous decision to meet someone I got to know online, something I'd never done/will never do
And I'm glad I did. I just wished I could turn back time and change how I was behaving cause I was pretty rude.

- Attended Social Night

Was made a really proud sister thanks to my brother.

- Then, went for midnight cycling when it was 200PSI. 
We cycled from East Coast Park (ECP) all the way to Gardens By The Bay, Fullerton Hotel, back to ECP and to Changi to watch the planes and back to ECP in the morning. I DIED AND I'M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN, EVER.

- I also made a spontaneous decision to go blonde
Which costed me 1k to get the colours fixed because it first turned green, then really yellow. And eventually, damaged my hair. Not sure if I've regretted it though. I think it's in-between. But oh wells, at least I've tried being blonde once in my life.

- Made an insane decision to go to Bangkok with someone I HAVE NEVER hung out with in 21 years of my life

And thank God it turned out well.

This year, I pampered myself a lot more but I loved myself less.
Facial appointments, hair salon visits, laser, waxing and shopping. NONE of them could make me feel better about myself other than taking care of me, my physical body well. I have never had issues with my self esteem but now.

I realised the importance of knowing who's worth the effort and who's not.
The people I surrounded myself with had a direct impact on the way I feel. I learnt to stop considering people whom don't make an effort, doesn't make me feel appreciated as friends. I learnt so much about letting go last year, and unlike Charman in the past, I had no qualms about inviting people who are not planning to stay, to leave my life. And to those who left me and wanted yourself back in this year,

WHATEVER. LOL.

I learnt that money really doesn't mean anything if you do not have time; for your loved ones or even for yourself.

I felt so much like a zombie working almost 24/7. Knocking off at 2am and going home to continue with work till 4am before going to bed and starting the same cycle again after 3hrs of sleep. 

I learnt that some choices made in life, can close certain doors for you and it's impossible to turn it around. 

I regretted nothing. But at the same time, I can't help but wished I had woken up sooner.

There comes a point in time when you know that you can no longer grasp what's no longer there because what has passed, is now past. The only thing you know to and the only thing you can do, is to keep moving forward and improve. I distant so much from the person I used to be, I can no longer remember who she was. I used to mention "The old me/Charman" a lot because I couldn't let go and I didn't want to move on. But I've accepted it now, I've grown, I've learnt and I changed.

So this is good bye 2015, I CAN'T WAIT TO START A NEW YEAR.

January has been all planned out since 2 months ago and I so am ready for it. Can't wait to build myself, my health and my life back up from square 1. In 2016, I am going to work towards being the best version of myself.

TOO NAIVE, TOO HOPEFUL

It is so distant from my memory, but I have never once forgotten it. The first time I heard you say what could have possibly broken me, I didn't believe it.

I was so hopeful of the world, or maybe I was just naive. I didn't believe a word you said, though it did hurt me. I was so full of hope, that despite what you said, I told myself it was only in a fit of anger. That in this world possibly, you are the only one who would love me this deeply.

It wasn't just once I heard you say that sentence, you said it twice, thrice, now so often that I stopped counting the number of times. 

But today, I will always remember. Because now I'm sure, since you said it so clear.

You'll be shocked, kids. When someone you thought loved you the most in this world, tell you that they hated it when they hear you speak. 

CHARMY'S 21

"If everyone in the room is awkward with one another and in their own little groups, then I don't want to hold a party" was something I kept telling my parents and my friends.

There were so many things happening at once last night. I was tired but I was happy and I was moved.

Because more than having my loved ones all in one place celebrating my 21st, I saw them interacting with one another. My friends with my grandparents, my cousins with my friends. There was a brief moment when I decided to stop what I was doing and take a look around and I quietly told myself that I have worried for nothing. 

I said so many "thank you(s)" to so many of you and I still don't think it is enough. I really cannot be more thankful. 

First and foremost, my parents for being my main sponsors for my party despite me telling them confidently that I would pay for my own. For helping me make sure that the food and beverages are all taken care of while I was in Perth and couldn't do the planning and ordering.

My brother, for helping me host my friends and being such a good and thoughtful one. From helping me with the decorations and food the night after he booked out from camp to bringing a bunch of my friends to play pool, bowling and for KTV and then having to book in the following day. You sacrificed your weekends out of camp and the comfy bed at home to make sure my party runs smoothly and I really am very thankful. I was so tired when we got home and only woke up to realise that you have already gone back to camp I didn't even have a chance to thank you. –But you know that I love you!! (Can't wait to get my present from you next weekend :P) 
And though the youngest one only came back the very night from his competition overseas, I know he'll do the same for me.

And it sure wasn't just my parents, brother and I who were tired. Because along side with my family, I had 3 super duper helpers. Or what they would like to call themselves that night, my managers Cassa, Jingci and Yanting. I whined about being tired but you girls didn't. Even when I know deep down, that you girls would be more tired than I am because you girls did much more than I had to do. From helping me with my decorations to being photographer, videographer, to helping me get food, feeding me and making sure that I was feeling okay to helping me host my other friends. The credits I have to give you girls for all that you did for me are so much more, I don't think anything I say can justify just how much you girls did and how truly thankful I am.

Last but not least, my friends and my relatives for taking time out from other celebrations and from work etc to come for my party. You guys weren't just great guests but great sports. Thank you for not isolating yourselves in a corner. Thank you for interacting. Especially my friends, for making my grandparents and cousins feel more comfortable. Thank you for my birthday song sang in 3 different languages. I kept touching my cheeks last night as you guys were singing because my cheeks were so painful from smiling. (I am not kidding, it was really painful). Thank you for all the gifts and more importanly, your presence.

God has given me so much and he even surprised me with an amazing opportunity on the week of my celebration. I am excited and hopeful for this totally unplanned journey of my life happening in about 2 weeks time.

OH MY GOD I AM 21 WHAT THE HELL.

Thank you for all the love thoughout the years (please contiue loving me even when I'm at my most stubborn and most annoying).

This is Charman, signing off!!!!!

Video: https://www.facebook.com/chgchrmz/videos/10153216162203192/?l=7607774438626761571