TOO NAIVE, TOO HOPEFUL

It is so distant from my memory, but I have never once forgotten it. The first time I heard you say what could have possibly broken me, I didn't believe it.

I was so hopeful of the world, or maybe I was just naive. I didn't believe a word you said, though it did hurt me. I was so full of hope, that despite what you said, I told myself it was only in a fit of anger. That in this world possibly, you are the only one who would love me this deeply.

It wasn't just once I heard you say that sentence, you said it twice, thrice, now so often that I stopped counting the number of times. 

But today, I will always remember. Because now I'm sure, since you said it so clear.

You'll be shocked, kids. When someone you thought loved you the most in this world, tell you that they hated it when they hear you speak. 

CHARMY'S 21

"If everyone in the room is awkward with one another and in their own little groups, then I don't want to hold a party" was something I kept telling my parents and my friends.

There were so many things happening at once last night. I was tired but I was happy and I was moved.

Because more than having my loved ones all in one place celebrating my 21st, I saw them interacting with one another. My friends with my grandparents, my cousins with my friends. There was a brief moment when I decided to stop what I was doing and take a look around and I quietly told myself that I have worried for nothing. 

I said so many "thank you(s)" to so many of you and I still don't think it is enough. I really cannot be more thankful. 

First and foremost, my parents for being my main sponsors for my party despite me telling them confidently that I would pay for my own. For helping me make sure that the food and beverages are all taken care of while I was in Perth and couldn't do the planning and ordering.

My brother, for helping me host my friends and being such a good and thoughtful one. From helping me with the decorations and food the night after he booked out from camp to bringing a bunch of my friends to play pool, bowling and for KTV and then having to book in the following day. You sacrificed your weekends out of camp and the comfy bed at home to make sure my party runs smoothly and I really am very thankful. I was so tired when we got home and only woke up to realise that you have already gone back to camp I didn't even have a chance to thank you. –But you know that I love you!! (Can't wait to get my present from you next weekend :P) 
And though the youngest one only came back the very night from his competition overseas, I know he'll do the same for me.

And it sure wasn't just my parents, brother and I who were tired. Because along side with my family, I had 3 super duper helpers. Or what they would like to call themselves that night, my managers Cassa, Jingci and Yanting. I whined about being tired but you girls didn't. Even when I know deep down, that you girls would be more tired than I am because you girls did much more than I had to do. From helping me with my decorations to being photographer, videographer, to helping me get food, feeding me and making sure that I was feeling okay to helping me host my other friends. The credits I have to give you girls for all that you did for me are so much more, I don't think anything I say can justify just how much you girls did and how truly thankful I am.

Last but not least, my friends and my relatives for taking time out from other celebrations and from work etc to come for my party. You guys weren't just great guests but great sports. Thank you for not isolating yourselves in a corner. Thank you for interacting. Especially my friends, for making my grandparents and cousins feel more comfortable. Thank you for my birthday song sang in 3 different languages. I kept touching my cheeks last night as you guys were singing because my cheeks were so painful from smiling. (I am not kidding, it was really painful). Thank you for all the gifts and more importanly, your presence.

God has given me so much and he even surprised me with an amazing opportunity on the week of my celebration. I am excited and hopeful for this totally unplanned journey of my life happening in about 2 weeks time.

OH MY GOD I AM 21 WHAT THE HELL.

Thank you for all the love thoughout the years (please contiue loving me even when I'm at my most stubborn and most annoying).

This is Charman, signing off!!!!!

Video: https://www.facebook.com/chgchrmz/videos/10153216162203192/?l=7607774438626761571

Let us forget, with generosity, those who cannot love us. —Pablo Neruda

How insane it is to be crazy over someone you barely know. To find it so tough to forget someone you've only met once. To wish so badly for someone who might not even remember you. To want someone so badly even though this is never your kinda "thing".

Been sick the past few days and I'm thinking it's because I've been walking in the rain after work and not showering immediately once I reach home but went to take a nap instead. (I never knew that the "tales" from our parents like "shower immediately after being in the rain or you'll fall sick" is true?!!?!?) lol. I think I'll start listening to these advices a little more now.


Anyhows, you might just be a little interested in what I've been up the past 2 weeks of my holiday. And to answer your (whoever's) non-existent question, I've been busy with facilitating the SYF event at TRCC.

while acting pretty much like a pedo.....

LOL

Was initially really pumped up during the first week of facilitating but then my excitement and energy went downhill the week after. –But I guess I can be forgiven for the lack motivation because it's mostly due the fact that my body was starting to fail me (thus I'm sick).

That aside, I was pretty glad/touched that Joey came to visit me during her break time while I'm at work! 

Went to meet Joey after her work in town on Saturday to get some stuffs done. I felt so alive the moment I stepped into town despite being sick because it's been 2 weeks since I've left home to go anywhere (except work). And it's been 2 weeks since the last time I stepped into town.

And everyone knows I'm NEVER the kind of girl to buy anything girly. Much less floral. But yesterday, I saw this romper and made a spontaneous decision to get it. I kinda liked it too anyway. I can be girly too!!

Now, I don't know if I'll ever wear it/find a chance to wear it. lol.

Last day of SYF tomorrow. Gotta wake up super duper early and I am supposed to be asleep by now as agreed with Theo but here I am, blogging instead of sleeping/making an effort to recover. 

My effort starts now.

Good night.