Gone.

I spent days and nights thinking of how to start this post, how am I going to say this to you but last night, I realized that it doesn't matter any more.

I can say all I want, put them nicely into paragraphs and pour my heart out to you and you still wouldn't care.

You put me through emotional journeys and you were not even preparing to be there for me. 

I look at my past posts about you and I feel so stupid. Me? Changing to be a better girlf for a guy? Something I said I'll never do but I actually did.

You broke my heart again and again and came back telling me you're sorry and you didn't mean to hurt me.

But it's ok. I didn't mean to fall in love with you either. 

Guess we all make mistakes.

So this is it? I regretted not listening to my friends when they kept telling me "Charman, don't go back." After working so hard to put up all the walls you tore them down again. Back to square one. Back to working on being happy again. Not you to blame, it was my fault anyway. To think that I was strong enough to pull through being friends with you.

It was just a mistake I made. For letting you inside. I gave you my heart, I let you destroy who I was and take every little thing I had. I never should have let you get so close.

I should have kept my heart locked and just continued being friends with you. I should have just stayed as dummy to you and I should have never dared you to come down to find me, if I hadn't done that, you wouldn't move me like you do, and I wouldn't have loved you like I did. And my heart wouldn't have gotten as broken as it is.

I’m just not that strong. I love it when you’re here, but I’m better when you’re gone. What's more, you're a different person now.