INDIFFERENCE

I've always been praying for me to be numbed to disappointments and heartbreaks but it didn't happen. But this time, I didn't ask for anything and it did.


Or maybe I just need time.

"But once you start thinking of how you can spend your days and nights with them, what their laugh would sound like in the silence of your thoughts, the way your head might rest on their shoulder perfectly, the way their hair would look in the morning with tangled bed sheets, the way their hand would fit in yours, the way they may like a song, the way their smile would be a reason for you to wake up, and how you want to get to know every bit of their soul - it makes you realize how much you want to have them in your life, and how much you are really screwed."

In the midst of everything, I realised those who used to be my close friends, were then, my true friends

2/10
I realised though I was over our whole friendship thing, I didn't want to commit to another friendship/clique.

There were times when we were angry/upset with each other. But one thing for sure, we were always true to each other. You would never let me get into a fight if it wasn't worth it. You would make sure that I'm being escorted back home and not cause a scene, while trying to talk sense into me. And if it was worth it, you would back me up like crazy. -Even if halfway through we all realised we might be losing.

We were our own wolf pack. We made each other feel safe and less vulnerable.
True friends are those can love you all the time without judgement. At least you girls can.

We're no longer together but what we had was irreplaceable.
And I wouldn't even want to try to replace.

Last Semester

Hello you guyyyyyyyyyyys.

School started for me today after my almost 7 months "break" from school.

Technically speaking, it was only 2 and a half months break because I had my internship from March to July then I went back to work as a temp staff for the month of August.

So I actually didn't really have a long holiday okayyyyyy.

But I'm so glad I didn't have to step into campus for 7 months ^^

My first day of school and I WAS LATE 

T.T

And our problem for the day. lol.

DAMN LAME!?!? 

But then again, it was good to not have to start working on projects on the first day.

Oct 21, 2014 | Faci became too enthu with our game ytd by kissonyou on Keek.com

Decided to use the game that Stan thought me how to play during our trip in Boracay and Faci got too into the game as well and decided to bet our grades on the game. LOL

School Starts Tomorrow

Nais's place at 10pm on Friday night as usual.

The guys, Nais's and Nais's mum were made to watch some chinese show with me before we can head out for supper. While I was watching my show, Nais and John Lim became bored and while the guys were all waiting for me to finish watching my show they started to entertain themselves by having some farting fest?!?!?! GROSS.

Show ended at 1am and we headed out to Upper Thomson for Prata!

I was playing the song "I love it" in the car 

*song playing: I crashed my car into the bridge, I don't care~~*

Guys: I CARE I CARE

lollol cuz they were driving hahahaah.

Tried their crispy prata and it was good.

At about 3am, the guys decided that they wanted to go McRitchie Park just for fun and so we did.

BUT WE WITNESSED SOMETHING WEIRD AND IT DISRUPTED OUR PLAN.

We were about to enter the carpark when we saw the car going up and down with brakes light on.

"omgomg someone having sex in car!!"

And out of curiosity, all of us decided to drive nearer to the car to check whatever that was happening out. Upon driving nearer to the car, we realised there was NO ONE inside wtf?!?!

But the brake lights were still on so John and Minjiang decided to get down the car and go take a look. (Damn stupid and annoying lah I feel, cause what if something was really wrong and they came back possessed?!?!)

Anyway, they were damn stubborn so they went down and have a look and still, NO ONE WAS IN THE CAR.

Decided not to play with fire and left the place after Minjiang went to use the toilet.

After leaving the carpark, we decided to look at the car again and now, the brake lights were off. FREAKING HELL!?!

Was damn freaked out already so I got John Lim (not my ideal choice but I really had no choice) to send me up the lift cause I'm a coward duh. And this idiot decided it was funny to scare me again before leaving, he totally did not expect me to scream but I did... at 4am lol.

Minjiang who was in his car parked downstairs could hear me from 9 floors up. LOLLOL.

DON'T SCARE ME MOFOS.

Couldn't sleep the whole night and next morning, I had to wake up extra early on Saturday to meet Isabel and accompany her for some NIE talk which we ended up not going to. lol

So here's just us, visiting NTU and NIE on a Saturday morning wtf. 

Went for service as usual on Sunday morning. 

Shabu Shabu for lunch before heading home

And I slept till 8.30pm after.

Start of my last semester tomorrow.
Can't wait.
To graduate I mean.

TGIW

A spontaneous decision to head to zouk yesterday with a hell lot of friends that were picked randomly and they didn't even know each other but agreed to come party with me :')

Met up with Fiona and Rayden (who both don't know each other lol) and headed over to zouk to meet  Eugene, Hong Xiang, Nais, Lynn, Stan and Yong Chow.

And had my first hobo experience......... 

I've never drank outside the club ever.

They decided not to buy vodka and went with Martel + Jagger because I can't take vodka or I'll get alcohol poisoning
:')

Drank and played some drinking games outside before we finally decide to head in at around 1am++

Thankful for Eugene, Hongxiang, Rayden and Stan esp for saving me from the drunk guys.

RIPPLE

"A simple act of caring creates endless ripple"

Something For Me To Remember

Thankful for this quote to whoever you are. 

-

AnonymousSunday, 01 June, 2014

IT’S EASY TO FEEL UNCARED FOR WHEN PEOPLE AREN’T ABLE TO COMMUNICATE AND CONNECT WITH YOU IN THE WAY YOU NEED. AND IT’S SO HARD NOT TO INTERNALIZE THAT SILENCE AS A REFLECTION ON YOUR WORTH. BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT THE WAY OTHER PEOPLE OPERATE IS NOT ABOUT YOU. MOST PEOPLE ARE SO CAUGHT UP IN THEIR OWN RESPONSIBILITIES, STRUGGLES, AND ANXIETY THAT THE THOUGHT OF ASKING SOMEONE ELSE HOW THEY’RE DOING DOESN’T EVEN CROSS THEIR MIND. THEY AREN’T INHERENTLY BAD OR UNCARING — THEY’RE JUST BUSY AND SELF-FOCUSED. AND THAT’S OKAY. IT’S NOT EVIDENCE OF SOME FUNDAMENTAL FAILING ON YOUR PART. IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU UNLOVEABLE OR INVISIBLE. IT JUST MEANS THAT THOSE PEOPLE AREN’T VERY GOOD AT LOOKING BEYOND THEIR OWN WORLD. BUT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE — THAT DESPITE THE DARKNESS YOU FEEL, YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO SHARE YOUR LOVE AND LIGHT WITH OTHERS — IS A STRENGTH. YOUR WORK ISN’T TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE; IT’S TO FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE ABLE TO GIVE YOU THE CONNECTION YOU NEED. BECAUSE DESPITE WHAT YOU FEEL, YOU ARE NOT TOO MUCH. YOU ARE NOT TOO SENSITIVE OR TOO NEEDY. YOU ARE THOUGHTFUL AND EMPATHETIC. YOU ARE COMPASSIONATE AND KIND. AND WITH OR WITHOUT ANYONE’S ACKNOWLEDGMENT OR AFFECTION, YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Daniell Koepke

October is here!

And someone should wake Green Day up.

 Went back to school early in the morning today after 7 months of not stepping into campus.

Had a meeting together with our supervisor, Isabel and Steff for our upcoming filming.

Then headed to Chinatown after for Kbbq together with Eugene, John lim, Weiren, Nais and Lynn!

lol. I was kinda "in charge" of the soup during lunch because I was sitting right in front of it and then I decided to become a chef and start playing my little own cooking game; trying to mix different sauce and stuffs inside to make it taste good. -AND IT DID TASTE GOOD!! HAHAH SUPER PROUD OF MYSELF MUAHAHAHHA.

And on top of that, the guys kept calling me "Chef Chuang" which made me even happier lah. AHAHAH. *smug face*

Anyways, was damn thankful for Lynn cause usually it would be Fiona, Yanting, Theo or Clarence taking care of me whenever we're out eating but they weren't with me. Plus these guys I went with wouldn't give a shit about me... maybe except Eugene, so I thought I wouldn't be eating a lot (cuz I don't usually take food on my own as I can't tell if it's cooked or not lol) however, Lynn kept taking food for me :')

Travelled to Bukit Timah after lunch to play pool after 3895734957months of not touching the cue stick and I must say, I'm pretty happy with my performance :P
Now I'm gonna start playing pool often again before the holiday ends because I'm on form. Heheheh

Separated from the guys after and went to West Gate for dinner.

Also, my youngest brother graduated from Sports School today!! heheh.
I'm immensely proud of him because this baby brother of mine is growing up. So sad though )':

2 weeks left before my holiday ends and it would be my last lap before I graduate from poly.
Really can't wait to leave. Not because I'm excited to grow up and like move forward but because I really really don't enjoy this chapter in my life. Never have I disliked school EVER, till I entered poly.

Anyhows, made a promise to myself that this week would be the last week I would be lazing at home which means starting from next week onwards, I'm gonna be using my time at home to do productive stuffs like finishing up my last ad hoc project, building my portfolio, or just like going out to enjoy my last few weeks of holiday. Anything but sleeping away at home.

Also need to fucking reteach myself some basic discipline.
I think it all flew out of the window the moment I entered poly. (See, stupid poly).
I used to get annoyed with people who are late but ever since I entered poly I'm almost always late for all my meet ups and for work.
Really need to stop that or I'm gonna start to dislike/get angry with myself a lot.

Also, need to stop waking up in the afternoon. -Also, another thing which I generally dislike back in secondary school. Always felt that people who wake up in the afternoon or at 3/4pm are people who are generally "useless" in the sense like it's a habit which jobless people have and that I should never pick up that habit???? But I did .___.

Oh wells.

Last few days for me to laze around!!
Shall do it right. LOL
Good night!!

#001: On how Charman deals with friendship problems

by Isabel Ho

A suitable eulogy for your funeral fuckface

Roses are red, Violets are blue,
You’ve been an ass to me,
I’m so glad you’re dead.

Charman stared at the blinking cursor, before huffing and deleting the entire chunk by furiously jabbing the backspace button. She flopped backwards onto her bed and let out a long suffering sigh. Turning on her sides, Charman spotted a particular bear given by a particular someone. She narrowed her eyes, and made a come hither motion at the animal. Its beady eyes watched her, and Charman is overcomed by a wave of rage.

“YOU SNEAKY LITTLE SHIT! I HAVE MY EYES ON YOU!” Charman pounced onto the bear, punching and squeezing the soft cotton.

 “What the fuck.”

 Charman turned back, and hissed back a “What?” at her brother. Her brother took a look at the wild state of her hair, the feral glint in her eyes, and wait is that today’s obituary with XXX’s face pasted over it? before deciding that he should abort mission and retreat immediately.

“Nothing.” He answered, slowly backing out of the room. He had his hands up in surrender, and went back into the kitchen. His mother looked up, and he shrugged. “Doesn’t want to eat.”

“Did she say that?” She narrowed her eyes at him, and he shrunk back. Women are scary. He nodded, and she got up. Charman was still squeezing the last of the cotton fillings out when her mother appeared in the doorway. Charman stilled, not daring to meet her mother’s eyes as she stomped over, screaming about cleaning up and getting out of the room instead of doing nothing. She shrank into the bedding, and breathed as quietly as possible.

She will not notice me if I don’t move. She will not notice- “What is this?” Mama Chuang held out a bunch of cotton. Stay still, Chuang Charman. Stay still. Don’t breathe, don’t answer, you’re not here. You’re as calm as a lake in the winter, practically frozen. Yes.

 “I BEAT YOU AH!”


P/s. I will never fucking punch my soft toys or rip it into pieces. But this is a fic so yup.