BIG BAD WOLF

We all have heard the story of the 3 little pigs and how the wolf tried to blow away the walls of their home. 

Some said the moral of the story was about hard work and how the pigs got themselves into trouble as they were to lazy to take time out and build the walls. Others say that it was because the pigs were dumb and then there were people who see no conclusion from the story. For me, the story taught me that certain walls have to be built, to keep yourself safe. 

This is a story of how a big bad wolf tried to blow away the walls of my heart. 

It wasn't once, twice but many times. I never knew I would become this vulnerable and thought that my walls have been built up pretty well as many have tried to pull it down but failed... Or for some, it didn't take a long time for me to put the walls back up again.

I let my walls down and I thought I could trust him. I was wrong. I never thought I would ever allow myself to be at such a stage of vulnerability. But love does stupid things to people and I did. I built up my walls to protect myself from the big bad wolf for the very first time, the second time, the fourth time and the fifth time.

I failed every single time the big bad wolf came. While I truly wanted him to be happy and hoped that I could be there for him when he "needed" me. I started to think it was alright for me to hurt and that it was because I wasn't good enough. I felt sorry for myself and got used to being hurt. I was willing to compromise my happiness for him. It was just wrong to allow myself to be used like a toy.

I realized I needed stronger walls. It took me some time to build up a stronger wall. I needed a lot of time, hard work and faith that I would become stronger. A wall in which would at least stop me from feeling unworthy, insecure and had me feeling a lot safer even when the wolf appears. And I did it because I found something better.

I was happy again and truly happy. I thought I was safe.

... But the big bad wolf came and huff and puffed and blew the walls in my heart back down again.