AN END TO 2012

This year flew past real quick and I'm not sure if it's true since everyone has been saying it or is it because I'm more conscious about time as I've turned 18, supposing I've become more matured and more aware.

 2012 has been lots and lots of adapting, trying to accept changes and letting go for me.  

Other than graduating from Swiss which I definitely miss the most, I got enrolled into a poly and had to adapt to the new environment and make new friends. Most importantly, I entered a new phrase of life. Which most adults would call it, the "Young Adult Period"? Or whatever they call it.

I shall recall every single bit and pieces of what happened this year only according to my memory (no help from blogs etc) here. Because only things in which I remember would mean that it meant a lot to me and I would probably never want to forget it.

This is gonna be one wordy post and many of you would probably have given up reading by now but I really just want to talk about things from the bottom of my heart and give it a closure before a New Year.

Because this year, I realized there are many things which I haven't let go off and it has been the main reason why I wasn't able to really start off the Year with a fresh start.

You can talk about the New Year and having a fresh start but as long as there are things you haven't gotten rid off in your heart, there isn't any fresher start. 

So yup! Here goes...

My 2012 started with me receiving my O levels result.

That was the first major thing that happened. And I remember how I was asked to go forward to the table to collect my results. As I sat down on the chair facing my teachers, all my classmates started standing up and were crowding around me. All because they wanted to know if I have improved or if this girl who hasn't been studying but playing around for her whole 5 years in school would do well/badly. I choose to think that they were more interested to know if I would fail really badly.

It wasn't as badly as how people expected it to be though.

For me, I wasn't expecting anything but my English results, I just wanted to get it over and done with for the rest of my subjects.

So when I got my results slip, I was quite okay with it taking into consideration of the amount of effort I've put in the last few weeks before Os. It was quite on par with my efforts. The only thing that I was disappointed about was my English result. I expected at least a B or something better. Even my English teacher was really sure that my B was guaranteed and said that I just had to remember to write my compo generally and not in my point of view about things to get an A. But I remember how I cried as soon as I walked out of the hall after taking my paper 1 and I just knew that I screwed it up. Anyway, no matter how much I really wanted to cry because, only because I was disappointed with my English results, I held it back in knowing that I've got no reason/rights to do so because I haven't been working hard and people might think that it's crocodile tears. Whatever.

Theo walked towards me right after I settled down and broke the news to me about her going overseas to pursue her studies. Honestly, at that point of time, more than being upset, I wanted to slap her. Of all times, you tell me after I've received the results/on results day. Srsly, you could have told me before (bcuz you shouldn't have kept it from me) or you could have told me after results day. I didn't know how to react, I wasn't in the mood to react and I didn't want to react. All that was in my mind was if my friends are feeling okay after getting their results and the amount of shit I have to go through choosing courses after getting my results since my "dream" of getting into mcm had been completely dashed.

I went around cheering people up after that and had Jingyin, Zhenyuan, Weichong and Preston sent me home.

The next major thing was my poly enrollment.

It was the first time I was told by my parents to handle administration stuffs on my own. And plus the fact that I wasn't really all in for a change of school or even to go to this course which I got no idea what it is about, I started throwing tantrums and got really frustrated.
Frustrated with having to handle everything on my own, having to cope with my feelings of being unhappy with myself and having to accept reality.

It just happened that the person I was throwing tantrums to was Zhiying and pretty soon after, I got scolded by him for still not being sensible.

I finally decided to complete my enrolment a few days later and threw tantrums after completing it which I finally stopped after falling asleep.


It was in March when we had our TCSFY/Dino Chalet.

I remember how we trying all sorts of means to open the bottles of hoegarden. It was so freaking funny but these are the things we girls always do and had fun doing together. At the point of time, I felt really happy and felt like we were finally be like how we used to be. Because during that point of time, Theo has been distancing herself from us, from me for Band and Saiful etc.

The second day Dino came over and we had BBQ. We were just chilling and a few of us decided to walk over to MacDonalds to have supper and chat. That was really the highlight of the day. We laughed so much, (you guys were mostly laughing at things I did) but it showed me really how close we are. How we understood each other so well and could joke around.


School started and I remember me trying to be friendly because everyone who knew me in Swiss told me that their first impression of me were all like fierce, dao and all. So I decided to make an effort to be friendly and I was definitely not myself. Lol. For the 1st sem, I dreaded going to school so much. (It was also during this period when I lost a friend. Oh wellz) I used to love going to school.

Back when I was in Swiss, I loved going to school so much I would go even when I wasn't feeling well. That was how much I loved school well, before I entered poly that is.

I would be waiting for the weekdays to end every start of the week. Ironically, Friday would be the day I dread the most because it was my must disliked module. Programming. I would always be calling my girls for help especially Shushia to whine and sometimes, cry.

It was especially bad for me one particular Friday which was the 15th of June. I remember crying so badly and leaving class early because I didn't want to cry in front of a group of people whom I'm not close to. That day, Yanting, Shushia, Clarence and Eugene all came down for me. We had sogurt and they accompanied me all the way to the night to make sure I was okay.

Sem1 soon ended I was anticipating for our 5N chalet. I miss every single one of you so so much. I was planning every single day but little did I expect it to turn out shitty. But it was also through that, I see just how much my friends would do for me. People like Junkai, Wanhei, John lim, Fiona, Eugene, Minjiang, Shushia and Yanting.

Next was my 18th Birthday.

My 18th Birthday was probably the best I had so far. EVERYTHING was such a surprise for me and that's only because you girls planned it well for me.

From inviting people whom are important in my life as surprise guest to taking care of me and making sure I enjoyed myself. I really did :)

Not forgetting the surprise visit to my house before my birthday ends at 11:59PM

Also Stanley and my sem1 classmates for the surprise mini birthday celebration! :)

Not forgetting Sheena and Lynette who gave me a surprise 18 days later on my 18th! I really wasn't expecting this as well!

Sem2 came and this time I decided to just be myself. Hahah. But then came this retarded girl Jasmine who walked into class and started panicking because her laptop wouldn't let her login and she kept asking me "how". Hahaha. That's when I know my life in poly would become better. Along with Sareeta (problematic girl), Hasif (Bapok :P), Syriah, Melyvn, Thev, Willie, Steff and all other people. Thanks for helping me pull through my first half of sem2.

Other than those I've also took up many new job such a working in OurChoice thanks to Dickson, and Chloe got me back o work at FEP. Also, I'm now working as 28's model which pays me well.

Like I said, this year has been really mundane for me except for me having to adjust to new environments and so on. Nevertheless, it was these bunch of people who helped me through my year of adaptation that I was able come out stronger, more adaptable and a more matured person.

First is definitely Shushia. 

This year, you were there for me the most. Calling you every Friday to whine and cry to becoming drinking khakis, I really appreciated each time you came to meet me to make sure I was okay. 

2012 definitely isn't the easiest for our clique because there were many changes happening to us, meeting up less often and all. But I thank you for never giving up on me when I was being an insecure bitch. Finally a few months ago, you finally gotten why I kept insisting that we aren't as close as before and you helped made that change to keep the clique going. Thank you.

Next would be Theo.

I think this year, you were the reason why I cried so much man. From distancing yourself from me and making me upset to texting me to ask me if I'm okay every single time when I am trying to hold my tears in. This year award to who made Charman cry the most goes to you lah. HAHAH. 

There were times when I was sad/having fun and I would wonder how it would be better if I still had you with me. Dancing and singing at the top of our voices during kbox to doing retarded stuffs like trying to do our business in the toilet and getting me all chocked in deodorant spray.

I thank you for being there for me even though you're away.

Fiona Thor,

This year, the person I was unable to get along the most was you! Thank God we didn't bring our quarrel over to the New Year and settle it last night. "Throwing" out all my unhappiness I had with you  kept in my heart and you telling me all the grudges you were bearing against me up till 4am in the night. KNN you know I was damn sleepy last night leh! But I'm glad we were finally able to solve everything and I hope that in the New Year, you can also be lovey dovey with me too ok! HAHAHHA.

Lim Yan Ting,

Damn pathetic leh! Took me so long to find an individual shot with you. This year, we definitely became a lot closer because we spent more time together than any of the girls. I never thought the day would come when I would spill out my feelings to you man! I thank you for always hearing me out whenever I was unhappy and for your random texts asking me if I was okay. Yanting sending random text?!?! Seriously?? HAHAH. Yes, I appreciated it though it wasn't sweet and stuffs :)

And please faster upload the photos lah!!

Eugene Mui,

I don't know if you read my blog, but I'm sure this is the first time I ever dedicated a section of my post to you. HELLO! YOU'RE NOW OFFICIALLY PART OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS. HAPPY NOT! Although all you do is just to laugh at me -.- But I have to say, you sure know me well after the time spent together. I thank Dino Clique for that.

John Lim!

You've given me many of your first time especially this year :P Cam whoring, feeding me, taking me out for dinner etc. HAHAH. I hope you do not feel sad that it's me who got your first love and not intentional love. You were constantly caring about my studies back in Swiss, telling me to study on a daily basis. Well, I'm glad we are now closer and that you even share with me your love stories, journal and even our political views! HAHAH. I am really thankful I met you!

Clarence Tan,

I bet you're probably sad that your name came out after so many of their names. Don't worry lah. The sequence has got nothing to do with how important you are in my life or stuffs like that. It's only about who appeared more in my life this year. HAHAHAH. And sadly, ya. You're behind them because we don't meet each other as much and stuffs like that. But you're still important to me okay! I haven't downgraded you so don't be sad. This year definitely wasn't easy for you as my friend because of my frequent tantrum throwing, whining and bitchy hormones acting up. Still, I thank you for bearing with me :)

Joshua Chow,

Eh dude, this is the only photo I have with you alone lah. TSK. I know both Zhengyong and you used to read my blog. Well, I don't know about now. But one thing I know is that you stayed with me when Zhengyong left. And I thank God for you! Really! This year, you made an effort to meet up even though you were busy with you A levels. I really appreciate your random messages once in a while. And the recent party at Attica made me realized that you're really a good friend. For taking care of me, making sure I get home safe and all. What can I say Josh? You're still an asshole but at the same time, I'm thankful for you!

Evangeline Tan 

I only found this photo I took with you this year! We really need to take more photos. I wanted to dedicate a post just for you a long time ago. But this year is coming to an end and I have yet to get it up so I think I'll just do it here.

Remember you told me how people just remember you as "nice"? And you said though it is a good thing, it's like there's nothing more than just nice? And they would only remember you when they need you.
Why is it good to be nice, now I tell you. When it is bright, people will not appreciate the light. However, it is only when there's darkness that the light will shine and make a whole lot of difference. Just like how people only remember your goodness only when they need you. However, you and I know that light is essential. Earth is actually just pitch dark. Without the sun, there would not be light and therefore, light is a gift. And people only forget the importance because they forget that the Earth is actually in darkness (Am I making sense to you??). But let me tell you something, as a human, I'm stingy as well when it comes to buying gifts. I wouldn't buy someone a gift randomly because well, there's no reason for it. But when it comes to you, it's a different thing. I don't mind buying you gifts randomly and I don't need a reason to simply because you're worth it. You being nice, made a difference to me :)

Lynette Chang, for always leaving me random motivational messages. Kerong, I don't know if you were expecting to see your name here man! HAHAH. I remember when I was in sec1 and you came to me and told me you know who likes me. In my mind I was like "HUH. I've only been in this school for 2 weeks!" HAHAH. And you've been taking care of me when I was in lower sec. This year, both of us took a step to know each other better and I thank you for your random text messages to check if I was okay :) Joey, Jingci and Cassa I don't know what 3 of you did man! HAHAH. But know that I still remember you girls. Dino clique for still being together even though we've separated to go into different schools. 5N and Swiss Winds this year, I had to learn to go without you. And both are the main reason why I loved school. However, I would like to believe in the line, "Once you're part of something, you'll always be a part of it." Many years from now, I know I would still remember the huge difference what you two bunch of people made in my life.

And to the many people who played a part in my life this year, whether good or bad, thank you :)

Lastly, little did I expect that there will come a day when I will fall head over heels with this guy, HB! :P
*heart races*

I still won't take back what I've said about growing up. It sucks. But what I've learnt is not to stay bitter but instead, make it better.

HAPPY 2013 GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD!

P/s. Why do I have this really strong feeling next year would be better? :D
P/s/s. And I checked my resolutions which I posted up on my blog this year. But out of all of them, all were only half complete. Wa, I'm a total failure. LOL