"I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. I think that's why she struggled with Love. She couldn't touch it. She couldn't hold on to it and make sure it never changed."

Siblings time

Heyho! 

Decided to do a quick update since I'm awake and since I just transferred some photos onto my macbook!

Woke up at 6am this morning and headed to WCP with my fam to meet up with the neighbors for some morning walk before going for breakfast. lol. It's been super long ever since the last neighbors gathering because everyone's so busy and I guess it's also harder now that we're no longer "neighabors". 

Nevertheless, I'm glad we all took time to spend time together today. 

25/07

Super impromptu decision to meet up with Saiful, Kenneth and the juniors for dinner on Friday @ Porn's

And I had fun chatting with Saiful and Kenneth over dinner. Poor juniors however were all damn bored because we were talking about the past which was wayyy before their batch. I miss Swiss Winds and I miss performing ): oh man... Now I truly feel old. 

26/07

Work on Saturday as usual.

Met up with Josh for awhile after work before heading home and I bumped into Stanley!! ^^

27/07

Attended service on Sunday and it was our 25th Anniversary!

 FEP with fam after service for chicken rice because I was craving for it.

And my mum decided to go somewhere to have tea and because my brothers and I were bored, we decided to leave our parents and have our own siblings time!! 

Something in which we haven't done in a really really long while.

That's Mozart btw… the person I slapped. 

Made my brothers walk all the way from FEP to Cathay because my youngest brother wanted to get his wax and while we were walking, both of them couldn't stop complaining about not having air con, blahblah. 

I think I've made everyone who've hung out with me for the past few weeks walk the whole town area. Hahah theo, Josh, and now my brothers. Lol.

And my brother, obviously very tired from all the walking. He's never walked so far under the hot sun ever. And is being driven most of the time so I'm quite glad I made him walk because he doesn't know where's where! I think I taught him a very practical lesson on life/knowing places in Singapore and how to get there. 

Okay I wanna sleep. 

Night.

MIDNIGHT CITY

Spent Saturday after work with this friend of mine going for dinner at Namnam, then drinking at cuppage and we ended up walking all over town (almost) after that till like 2am++ 

Lol I've always wanted to do this but I never thought it'll be with him and it'll be after drinking ._.

Anyhows, I enjoyed my night! Except the fact that I was under the unfluence of alcohol and because I was sleepy, I felt really dizzy the whole time lollol. 

But I remember we went from FEP and walked all the way to Lasalle and almost to Little India. Hahahha. Most shocking part was probably Josh being willing to walk with me LOL. I don't remember him complaining like usual times. *secretly gives thumbs up!* (Y) 

However, I was being a burden and kept going to the toilet because this guy wouldn't stop buying drinks >:( 

Woke up the next morning and felt like shit. -I wasn't the least bit drunk btw. 

Thank God I didn't get alcohol poisoning. 

I TURNED 20 TWO WEEKS AGO

Finally, forced myself to sit down and start on this blog post which a few of you were waiting for.

So, I turned 20 just 2 weeks ago

*inserts multiple sad faces* 

Btw, I actually forget once in awhile that I'm already 20?! I should totally do something about my life already. 

Anyhow, like I've told my friends, this year's birthday, though it was different in many ways, it was/is the most special birthday I've ever had. I wouldn't say that it was my favorite because I like my 18th birthday too. And unlike my 18th birthday which, I really really liked because I got to spend time with the people I love, this year, I didn't really get to do that as my friends had work, school and after that they were rushing home to watch FIFA 😒

However, this year was truly special because I really wasn't expecting much and for the first time in a really long while, I felt really really really loved and I saw how much effort was put in by my friends, how far my friends were willing to go and how much they were willing to do for me - something which has always been on my mind because it feels like nobody would do just as much for me as I'm willing to do for them. 

So seeing all that my friends did for me this year, really made me stop questioning and I really did feel superrr loved :') 

And since someone specially text me to tell me that he's waiting for my birthday post since he couldn't be there in person, here it is, everything in a chronological order, as clear and as detailed as I can, for you. lol. You wish. It's also cause I want to record done every single detail too.

 Monday: 30/06/14 

Was doing OT in office because it was my last week at *SCAPE Management and I needed to complete as much assignments as possible. While I was doing OT in the office, Isabel and Steff were shopping for my presents in town. I know because Isabel keeps informing about what she's buying for me and like when she's buying present blahblah -_- 

So anyway, after they got my presents, they decided to ask me to meet them since I'm still in town (we were supposed to meet Wednesday) and I agreed. 

I just expected to meet them, take my present and maybe we'll go home together. And I really did not expect anything else from them. After all, they were kinda bad at surprises and like we don't really plan surprises for one another. 

[Time check: 7.45pm]
Isabel called me and told me to walk around TAKA first because they weren't ready so naturally I just thought that they haven't gotten my present or something and I went to buy myself some bread because I was hungry.

[8pm]
Receives a call from Isabel while I walked out of the food department at the basement.
Isabel: Where are you?
Me: Near Inisfree (lol I wasn't even near there but cuz it was the first shop I saw when I looked up)
*sees Isabel and Steff right in front of me and they panicked*

And I was thinking in my head "lol these girls are as retarded as ever" 
BUT TO BE SURPRISED WITH A CAKE!! 
AHAHAHAH damn funny cause I didn't know why they were panicking till I saw the cake. 

They decided that I should be embarrassed by singing to me happy birthday awww :')
And you can tell the lady at the back obviously thinks her food is so much nicer than to care to move aside for us.

Though it was a mini surprise because I really didn't expect to be getting a cake from them, I was also really touched cause these girls rushed down from work, skipped dinner just to get my presents and to surprise me.

 Friday: 04/07/14 

My last day of internship and my supervisor treated me to lunch! ^^

 I met Evangeline after work for dinner at Wheelock

Then later, Joshua was supposed to meet us but he was doing something which I didn't know what then. (I later found out on Sunday that he was supposed to meet Theo -to do something for me and that's why he kept pushing back our meeting time).

(Okay, time to spill everything here and I think it is safe since I don't think he reads my blog anym lol)

So during dinner and while waiting for Josh, Evan kept telling me that she's afraid it might be awkward meeting Josh because it's been really long since she met him and seeing how uneasy she was about meeting Josh, I decided to send him a text to like make him not want to meet us anymore.

Me: Josh! Are you gonna come meet us?? Evan and I are damn bored already 

Me: It's not too late to back out

(Thought by telling him we are bored might make him not wanna meet us and continue hanging out with his friends -well I thought he was hanging out with his friends lol)

Josh: Ya I am! Wait a while!

Josh: Where are you guys?

Me: Wheelock. Where you.

Josh: Haha I'm at some secret place wait first la

And I was kinda surprised Josh still wanted to meet? Because I thought, the Josh I know would probably just decide to cancel meeting rather than meet us and be bored together >:X

But anyway, while waiting for Josh I decided to go over to *SCAPE to take my bear and Evan kept saying that she feels like maybe he's gonna surprise me or something that's why he's insisting on meeting me and I was like 

"Please Evan, Josh is like the last person I would expect a surprise from. I'm not even expecting presents from him" and I went on and on about how ungentlemanly he was to me most of the time to support my claim. lol. 

Then she continued telling me how she has this gut feeling that Josh is gonna do something for me while I went on telling her that I'm gonna get him his presents, how am I going to go about doing it and what I wanna give blahblah while adding in after every sentence that he's the last person I'm expecting anything from.  

After that, I received a call from Josh with his very panicky voice "CHARMAN!! Where are you. There's like lots of people dancing around here" HAHAHAH damn funny cuz Josh is always damn chill and that was the first time I ever heard him being so panicky.

Met Josh together with Evan and

LO AND BEHOLDDDDDDDDDD,

JOSH GOT ME A PRESENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

And he even wrapped it on his own. hahahahaha

HAHAHAHAH I WAS SUPERRRRRR HAPPY AND SURPRISED AND SHOCK AND LIKE EVERYTHING MIXED TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME.

And just like that, for the rest of the night, I was super happy I couldn't think properly and I was in my own world so I just let Evan and Josh talk to each other. I don't even know what I was doing anymore. lol

Went to Plaza Sg after that because the poor boy was waiting for Theo who never showed up and didn't have dinner >:(
And because I told them I've NEVER been to Cathay ever (because I've never liked going to the cinema/watching movies), they decided to bring me there.

 Saturday: 05/07/14 

I wasn't feeling really well since the morning and Theo was busy with idk what (found out later she was going around to meet people to prepare for my surprise) so I smsed her to push back our meeting time. Was supposed to meet at 1.30pm but we pushed to 2pm and because I took my meds I only got up at 2.30pm.

Theo's instruction to me was to wait for her to come pick me up but I didn't know she meant for me to wait at home so I was already waiting for her at the void deck. And because she was taking too long to come, I decided that I should go find her instead.

While walking to her blk, she called me and our conversation went something like this

Theo: Where you?
Me: I'm walking over to your blk. Are you lost?? You're taking so long
Theo: WHAT?!!? NOOOO. Why you come find me! I will walk on my own!! GO BACK!!

And really, I didn't suspect anything because 1) I wasn't expecting much this year because certain things changed and 2) Her acting was super good, she convinced me into believing that it's probably just gonna be the two of us going out.

So I listened to her instructions and walked back to my blk…
And when I reached the lobby, I saw from my side view a suspicious person hiding in a corner and I turned to see Minjiang. lol

FAILLLLLLLLLLL.

 I was still kinda surprise though because like I've said, Theo sorta convinced me into believing that it's just gonna be 2 of us and I also didn't think the rest of my friends would make time and effort to celebrate with me -I really wasn't expecting much.

Then I looked further away to see Theo and Eugene walking over to my blk while shouting to Minjiang and cursing him for being stupid to hide under my blk and parking his car just in front of my blk. lol.

Got on the car and my nervousness and confusion started to set in.
THEY REFUSED TO TELL ME WHERE THEY WERE BRINGING ME

Went for lunch first, they actually already planned on going to a cafe but we found out it has been booked for a private party so we settled for KFC (yucks) instead.

Our journey continued after lunch with me screaming in the car and zoning out because they tricked me into guessing and believing that we were going to Adventure Cove which I wasn't looking forward to because I didn't have extra clothes.

Reached Sentosa and after a whole round of confusing me, scaring me and giving me of false hopes (like lying to me that they booked a room for me at Hardrock Hotel) and making me excited for nothing, they brought me to S.E.A Aquarium!!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………………………………………..
……..to find out almost at the end of the whole thing that I've actually already been there before. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
But still effort counts and I was really touched.

[7.30pm]

Left USS and they said they have already planned where to go for dinner. At this point of time, I was really tired and just wanted dinner. I thought maybe 4 of us would just eat and go home.
I was already really happy cause THEY HAD PLANS AND ALREADY KNEW WHERE THEY WANNA BRING ME FOR DINNER!!

Arrived at Clarke Quay shortly after and they brought me to this thai mookata shop.
Entered and walked all the way in to find Yanting and Enze!! OMGGGGGGG :')
And shortly after, Nais, Weiren, John Lim, Nick Kong all came in after going out to watch fireworks while waiting for me.

Super super happy because I really thought that they wouldn't be celebrating my birthday with me esp because most of the time some of them always don't reply to messages/almost never appear whenever we meet us so I was really really happy. My face pratically lit up.

Towards the end of dinner, Enze asked Yanting for what's supposedly "Theo's aunt's camera" -at least that's what Theo told me and I believed.

Enze: *looks at camera and accidentally drops it*
Yanting: *hurriedly takes camera to check and found scratches*
Yanting: How! Theo's aunt's camera got scratched!!
Me: Was it scratched before he dropped it?? It's not a new camera right?? Then maybe it was already scratched before so nvm. I don't think the aunt will notice since it's not a new camera.

They sang me my birthday song, I gave out cakes and it was present time……………………………….

And what I received was A CAMERA!!
THE CAMERA THAT ENZE DROPPED, AND SCRATCHED RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES.
lol. Thanks and you will forever be remembered.

Theo was using the camera the whole day and it didn't even come up on my mind that the camera would be my present. lol. It was the first thing I saw when I go onto the car and I asked Theo about it and she told me it was her aunt's and I believed
.___.

Separated after dinner cuz the guys wanted to watch FIFA >:(
That sums up my Saturday with them.

 Sunday: 06/07/14 (Actual Birthday) 


Woke up on Sunday morning to a text from Josh and Evan (LOL. BOTH OF THEM ALMOST RUINED THE SURPRISE) HAHAHAHAH

HAHAHAH pretty fast comeback from the 2 of them esp Evan. Or maybe I was just dumb not to suspect anything. lol.

Sunday was actually pretty boring for me because my dad had to work and my 2nd brother had test the next day so I had to cancel all the plans I had in mind ):

Woke up to a really wonderful breakfast prepared by my mum though!
She stayed up the whole night to make my favorite cheesecake for me :')

Had lunch at Fosters with my fan after that.

My family's birthday tradition.

Dad had to go to work while my mum and my brothers went with me to get my birthday present before heading home then going out again for a haircut.

And I didn't know this, but my mum was playing a part in the surprise which Theo, Yanting and everyone else prepared for me.

My mum's job was to make sure I was home and so my mum decided to trick me into choosing to stay home for dinner cause she knows that I wouldn't wanna be celebrating without my dad.

Mum: Where do you want to go for dinner. *emphasize* Dad is not going to join us. *Emphasize x2*
Me: …… Home then :/ I don't really care what we eat.

Got home and was sitting on the floor taking photos of my watch to show Josh and talking about my watch excitedly. And I really am very thankful for him because he made my Sunday (that is before the surprise) a little less disappointing by entertaining me lol
And I suddenly got a call from Theo to meet her to collect my camera lens' cover.

But I knew she also had something to pass me thanks to Clarence telling me the day before.

HAHAHAH. In the past I would always go to him if I wanna get clues to whats happening on my birthday/if there's anything happening because I can always count on him to spill some secrets/surprises and this time, he did without me trying to even prompt him.

AND SO,
I walked over to Theo's place fully expecting to get my cover back and also receive a card from her signed by different people from my clique.

But then, I waited under her blk for what seems to be like 30mins and received a text from her telling me that she's sorry and she can't meet me already.
This time, I kinda suspected that something's not right and went home straight expecting her to be hiding in my room -something she always do.

I went home and saw my youngest brother standing really still outside his bedroom door and I just knew she's in the house…

BUT I NEVER EXPECTED THIS.

With Theo and Yanting hiding in my wardrobe of course. lol
Apparently, the balloons were supposed to be floating above but because the photos were too heavy. lol. But whatever I was really surprised, touched and happy already………………………………

BUT THAT WAS NOT ALL!??!

I walked around too look at all the balloons to find out that Evan, Joshua, Joanne, Dg, Huiqi & Dani (Outpost girls), Isabel, Steff, Gerald and Dickson were all part of it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:')

I swear in that moment I was super super super touched.
Rushed Theo and Yanting to finish their dinner (poor girls) so I could go back into my room to read all the cards.

REALLY, I WOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. OR TRADE THIS FOR ANYTHING.
:')

And still super touch right now thinking of it while blogging.
I re read all the cards so many times.
 Honestly really thankful for everything, for everyone, for all the surprises, the efforts esp to these 2 girls.

 Wednesday: 09/07/14 

Received a random smart pac and got scolded by my mum for shopping online… but I didn't buy anything?!?!? And opened it up to find many little gifts wrapped up nicely. And then I saw the card w/o the name on and right away, I could guess who it was from. HAHAH.
The very first senior who gave me a present back when I was in sec1 when I barely know who she was, Kerong!

And thankful to everyone else who gave me presents and wished me for my birthday :')

This year, everything was kinda different. I was really not expecting much, and was even expecting no celebrations at all but I was also greatly surprised. This year, I also made a promise to myself not to cry on my birthday and I didn't. -Which is also something different cause I USED TO cry every birthday. This year, I also saw the amount of effort everyone put in and it really made me feel really loved. And this year, I felt more sincerity, in everything, everyone, in all the actions and plans made for me.

And I really am thankful to first and foremost, all of you who purposely didn't wish me just because ya all wrote and the cards and made me wait up the whole night till freaking 2am before deciding to shower and go to bed. And to those of you who gave me presents.

Isabel and Steff for rushing down from work, skipping dinner to get my present and my cake, for putting in so much thought into my gift and for going down to meet my friends to do the card. Evan, for making sure that I was "put back in right place" and making sure I was okay a few weeks before my birthday. Also, for my very long birthday message hahahah. Joshua, for totally surprising me and making me the happiest girl that night that I couldn't even think properly, for going down to *SCAPE to wait for Theo who didn't show up and then going down again the next day to do the card. And we should totally take lots and lots of pictures together since we're gonna be friends for a really really long time. Clarence, for going down to get my presents with Theo. Minjiang and Eugene, for making your whole Saturday free for me, for paying for the relatively expensive parking fees, for sending me through and fro and for the present. John, Nais, Weiren, Enze, Nick, for taking time to come down to surprise me and for the present. Kerong, for surprising me with gifts again! And Yanting, for planning everything with Theo before she even came back to Sg, running back and fourth to get the cards, the number of sleepless nights to get everything going and for rushing down from work both days to make sure everything runs smoothly. Last but not least, Theo, for being back here to celebrate my birthday with me and for making my whole birthday about me though I said that we can share my birthday. I see all that you've did, the amount of effort in which you've put in and really I'm just thankful for everything you've done for me. You're the best.

And I know this is gonna sound damn cheesy and gay but I am really thankful for every single one of you mentioned above and this birthday will be forever etched in my heart and my mind. I am not good at expressing myself when I am thankful and I've already sent you guys messages to thank each and everyone of you. So I will just sum it up with 10 words,

Thank you for reminding me that you still love me.

This little girl finally turned 20.

"I used to cross streets without looking for cars. That was how I used to love."

"Experience taught me not to be won over by grand gestures or by sweet speeches. I will be won over by banter, silence, comfortability and the silent promises made only by two people who have known the privilege of time."