BACK TO FINDING MYSELF

Been long since I felt so happy and excited for no apparent reason.
It felt so good.

Thank you.

I remember it all.

I remember the first time we talked and how we just clicked really well.
Then I also remember the second time we talked and how I didn't believe you and thought you were playing tricks on me when it wasn't you but your friends who were trying to fool me.
I remember the first time I met you later on and the first word you spoke to me in reality.
I remember what my friend told me after seeing you talking to me.
I remember how you were always texting me and making sure I was happy.
I remember how I broke your heart when I said mean things to you because I didn't want you to continue liking me.
I remember the first time you came down specially to find me. I was crying and I left you alone. You weren't angry and instead you waited patiently till I was ready to go home.
I remember the other times we started to meet and I still remember the big wide smile you had when I gave you a stick of the giant pokey.
I remember how you pulled me back before I left and gave me a peck on my cheek.
I remember how you used to bring your hoodie out because you knew I would ask for it.
I remember how you started to win my heart and how I thought from then onwards, no one would ever hurt me.
I remember how you would go home and then come out again just to see me for even a few minutes.
I remember what everyone around me said about you and how I ignored it and because of that, I lost a few.
I remember how you gained my trust and I told myself that because of you, I wouldn't worry about not being happy.

And that was when I placed all my happiness on you.

Drawing and art history class

Reached school at 8.06am this morning and as I entered the class, I was relieved that I wasn't late.

Today was Art Class and it was like DNT all over again. Shading, perspective drawings, 3D drawings which are basically everything that I've done in sec3. 

URGH... and I thought on the day 2 years ago when I ran out of the com lab in school screaming at 6.30pm after submitting my Design Journal that it would be the end of those crazy measuring, drawing, envisioning, getting the sides of my hand all dirty with pencil markings so on. Seems like I would never get away with certain things in life.

My drawing class was a 4hrs block module. (Or whatever block they call it) Which means I had to spend 4hrs in class just drawing. Plus since it was the first lesson today, I spent literally 2hrs in class DRAWING LINES.

Then I got bored...

I couldn't take it anymore and with the face's permission, I rushed down to 7-11 to get myself a sandwich and a bottle of milk to accompany me while I return to class to draw... CIRCLES -_-

2hrs lunch break after that and I went to look for Yanting in her class before I headed to another block for my Art History class.

I've been such a loner in school, my classmates are taking a longer time to warm up because they are closer to their sem1 classmates while I'm like some anonymous girl with no best friend or whatsoever. lol.

Thankfully, tomorrow is Friday and I'll be looking forward to the rest of my weekends + Monday and with Tuesdays off.

Not forgetting my drawing homework as well.................. ZZzZzzZZzzzZZzzzz

Gonna get better

Hey people!
Sem 2 has started for me since last Friday and I'm kinda comforted seeing my classmates for this new semester! I really hope I'll be able to find some really good friends of at least 1 in my poly life.

I was going to school feeling rather grumpy but once it was break time, I saw Jeevan and my other classmates from Sem 1 and my face just lighted up. I never thought I would miss them or cared if I ever see them again but I guess I do! -Maybe just a little.

Also, I'm pretty contented with my timetable too!! Apart from having to be in school by 8am, I've gotten every Tuesdays off and also only until 12pm every Monday which will mean I actually only attend school on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! ^^

So I've been thinking of getting a part time job since the amount I'm always tempted to spend is kinda crazy + I wanna be able to buy many stuffs but still be able to afford to bring my parents out for treats and buy gifts for my girlfs, Evan, Lynette, Sheena and my bandmates etc.

I'm hoping I'll be able to cope with my studies when I start work though! (I know I sound weird mentioning about my studies and I feel awkward saying that too. But I've made a promise to work hard so I would)

OHYA! Also, I'm back on formspring!! So keep your questions coming in (hopefully) and I promise I won't abandon it again!

I don't know why but I just have this feeling that everything's gonna get better. It's gonna get better. 

I wanna be known as cheerful again.

Love is not enough.

Imagine you were ran down by a car while crossing a road, you lost both legs, would you dare to go back and cross that same road? not me.

Sometimes I miss you so much but love is not enough.

Sometimes wonderful love stories continue by just being friends.

HOPE(FOOD)FUL

Gonna be at FEP to have my long craved lok lok yong tau foo tomorrow!! I can't wait!!

I never once eaten yong tau foo in my life because I didn't really like the looks of it and when I worked for Chloe, she told me lok lok's yong tau fu was really good so I gave it a try!

True enough, it was!! And I ate it almost every single day when I was working at FEP. Loving it so much! I remembered the boss of lok lok putting in a crazy amt of chilli into my soup because he knew I like spicy. BUT IT WAS CRAZZZY AMT!! Spicy but love it still!! Love their chilli a lot!

Imma head down to FEP tomorrow and I'm hoping I can have lok lok!! HOPEFULLY!!!!!!

Good night! ^^
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

BIG BAD WOLF

We all have heard the story of the 3 little pigs and how the wolf tried to blow away the walls of their home. 

Some said the moral of the story was about hard work and how the pigs got themselves into trouble as they were to lazy to take time out and build the walls. Others say that it was because the pigs were dumb and then there were people who see no conclusion from the story. For me, the story taught me that certain walls have to be built, to keep yourself safe. 

This is a story of how a big bad wolf tried to blow away the walls of my heart. 

It wasn't once, twice but many times. I never knew I would become this vulnerable and thought that my walls have been built up pretty well as many have tried to pull it down but failed... Or for some, it didn't take a long time for me to put the walls back up again.

I let my walls down and I thought I could trust him. I was wrong. I never thought I would ever allow myself to be at such a stage of vulnerability. But love does stupid things to people and I did. I built up my walls to protect myself from the big bad wolf for the very first time, the second time, the fourth time and the fifth time.

I failed every single time the big bad wolf came. While I truly wanted him to be happy and hoped that I could be there for him when he "needed" me. I started to think it was alright for me to hurt and that it was because I wasn't good enough. I felt sorry for myself and got used to being hurt. I was willing to compromise my happiness for him. It was just wrong to allow myself to be used like a toy.

I realized I needed stronger walls. It took me some time to build up a stronger wall. I needed a lot of time, hard work and faith that I would become stronger. A wall in which would at least stop me from feeling unworthy, insecure and had me feeling a lot safer even when the wolf appears. And I did it because I found something better.

I was happy again and truly happy. I thought I was safe.

... But the big bad wolf came and huff and puffed and blew the walls in my heart back down again.