And you asked me why I can't take you seriously

The one who once told me 4 years ago that I deserve the perfect guy is now being a jerk to me.

It made a difference for at least one

"If what *SCAPE is doing isn't even helping the youths then shouldn't we just close it cause what's the use?" 

I remember saying this during one of the discussion meetings we had and being the straight forward person I am, I can't help but say what I felt at that point when I didn't know any better and it shocked everyone. Though it was a discussion meeting for them to gather the opinions from the youths, I WAS JUST/STILL AN INTERN!!

Today officially marks my last day at *SCAPE; 4 months as an intern and 15 days as a temp staff. -And I think being in a company for 5 months is enough time for me to tell if the company has truly live out it's vision. 

I'll say, I take my words back because it did. 

In the span of 5 months I've seen so many events lined up for the youths, youths coming over to use the venue to practice dance, sing or even for studies. I've seen youths volunteering and enjoying themselves. -And I know this because I have been volunteering as well.

I remember my 2nd day as an intern in the office.

And all of a sudden, Izhar came to me telling me that he needs me to redo the backdrop for the coming weekend's event because the company they hired didn't do a proper job and he needs it to be done urgently. "HUH!?!? HOW THE HELL DO I DO THIS" I thought. Man, I was scared and really worried. But I had to do what I have to do and each time I send Izhar my work for approval, he would go "WA!! NICE!", "THIS IS SERIOUSLY DAMN GOOD", "This is like wayyyy better than the design company", "WELL DONE!".

I would never forget how encouraging he was and he came shouting across the office on Friday "CHARMAN! DID YOU SEE YOUR MASTERPIECE?? IT'S DONE!!".

And I'll never forget how emotional I felt when I saw my artwork being placed up in public for the first time.

Fast forward to Youtube Fanfest 2014 and I was tasked to do stickers, email signature, banner, poster etc.

And I remember how excited everyone in the office was for me when the photobooth props that I've designed arrived. They all rushed to look at in and were all "wa, who did this", "it's damn well done".

Once again, I have never felt so encouraged before.

And I thought to myself so often "woah, this company probably has the most encouraging people you'll ever meet."

I was given so many opportunities as an intern and was even given the chance to lead the design project for Singapore's 49th Birthday which happened this year.

During my 5 months there I've seen how the programming team brainstorm and come out with ideas for the youths. I've seen how they put in effort and organize different events that gives youths the platform to fulfill their dreams. I've seen youths going to the events and enjoying them. I've seen people being able to fulfill their passion whether is it for dance, production, entrepreneurship or for singing because of the space provided in the building and because of the resources being given to them, to help them. I've seen my friends coming to *SCAPE to do their projects while I was interning there.

So if you were to ask me if *SCAPE has made any difference in the lives of youth, I'll say it did.

Because at least it did for me.

Sunday Morning Breakfast

Slept at 3am last night and got woken up by text messages at 5:25am.

Headed out with my fam for breakfast before going for service. 

Shopped a little after that and I finally got myself a new bag to replace my torn one. Will never invest in cheap bags ever again........... Unless it's really nice and cheap lol. 

Also, my mum finally decided to refill my Dr Hauschka moisturizer ^^ 

Home and ran 4.8km within 18/20mins (Y) 

Tomorrow will be the start of my last week working at *SCAPE ):

My thoughts are so random, chopped up and unrelated lol. I don't get why I've been feeling so frustrated lately. I need some h2h talk or something. I think my mind has been so messed up by someone recently that it's causing all these unnecessary frustrations lol.

All that glitters is not gold.

And if you choose not to love her now, you can't choose to love her later.

-

"She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now."

I've been a safety net and a comfort for you while you go out trying to grab whatever/whoever that you can get ahold. But this time, to be fair, I think you need to let me go. 

Un-articulated love

"An un-articulated love is very different from an unrequited one, because at least with an unrequited love you know what the hell you’re doing, even if the other person isn’t doing it back. An un-articulated love is harder to grapple with, because it’s a crush that you haven’t even admitted to yourself. The romantic forces are all there — you want to see him, you always notice him, you treat every word from him as if it weighs more than anyone else’s. But you don’t know why. You don’t know that you’re doing it. You’d follow him to the end of the earth without ever admitting that your feet were moving."

“I despise my own hypersensitiveness, which requires so much reassurance. It is certainly abnormal to crave so much to be loved and understood.”

 —Anaïs Nin

SG(almost)50

Left Far East earlier last Saturday and headed over to *SCAPE to help out!

Sunday lunch at Outback Steak house with fam

And dinner w Josh at Sakuraya Fishmarket

Bye

Rising in love and not falling into it.

Because when people fall in love, they become vulnerable. 

They become possessive, they take away one another's freedom.

They try to dominate each other. They think they make each other whole.
They become dependent and have to do things together.

They sacrifice parts of them to make the relationship work.

I want a love/relationship that doesn't make me feel vulnerable, that doesn't make me fear; that it will end someday. I want a love that doesn't take away freedom but strengthens it.

I want a love that compliments each other and not complete each other. -I think there's a difference.
I want a love that helps each other to become independent. That we can do things we enjoy together but we understand that we can also to do things we enjoy alone. 

I want a love that makes each other want to improve, a love that helps each other became a better version of themselves.

When people fall in love, they become weak. 

But I don't want that.

I want a love that helps makes each other stronger.

And I think that's rising in love.

Things my mum do to me on a daily basis: *trying to take a selfie* *mum rushes beside me and forces her way in* pic.twitter.com/9oDsAHNbUm
— Chuang Charman (@kissonyou) August 3, 2014

4AM NERF GUN

Ended up cabbing over to Josh's place yesterday at 11:40pm.

Walked his dog around the estate, played charades, watched like 10mins of suits and then, we decided to play Nerf gun!!

Hahahahha. I've played laser quest a couple of times in different countries but never played Nerf guns before and I never thought I'll be playing it with Joshua………. lol. (His brother has got like 20 different kinds of the gun at home?!)

It was damn fun and he sucked at it which made me damn happy 

:P

Anyhow, we  I mean HE, got tired after awhile and so we stopped the game.

We were letting each other listen to songs in our playlist/introducing songs to each other and once again, like all my other friends, he was shocked to find out the kind of music I listen to. But then, he liked like all the songs I introduced him to/that was on my playlist. Which means I have good taste in music (Y) -I didn't just self declare the last line, he said so too.

But seriously, why is it that everybody becomes so shock whenever they listen to the songs on my playlist. LOL. WHAT KIND OF MUSIC/SONGS DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK I LISTEN TO -____-

Went home at 3:40am and he was being forced to accompany back because I was scared :X

Nevertheless, it was a good night! 

^^❤️

I actually really like spending time with friends like this. Can I have more friends to go to museums with me, walk randomly around town with me after drinking, play nerf guns and like just spend more quality time together pleaseeeee. 

P/s. Before heading over to his place I actually had to withdraw money but bpp was closed and I was scared to enter alone because it was already dark. At the same time, this random guy came and asked me for a lighter so I told him in exchange, he had to accompany me to the ATM inside and HE DID. lol. Withdrawed my money and got out of the shopping center to find that there was actually an atm outside the building and we didn't have to go in. We looked at each other and were like "………." lol.

P/s/s. Noticed later in the evening that my knees were badly bruised because I kept crawling on the floor yesterday when playing Nerf gun. lol D':

BACK AS TEMP STAFF

Went back to *SCAPE Management for work on Friday after a month of break. I'm officially a temp staff now! Hehe ^^

I felt so "back at home" and was also really happy to be back. Especially after seeing my designs all over the place the moment I step into *SCAPE's compound. 

And then, the moment I stepped into office Grace jumped out of her chair and shouted "welcome back!!!!!!" Hahahhaha awwww :') 

Shirley: Welcome back to hell

Me: I still find it okay. 

Adeline: she's our last minute warrior. Give her anything she okay one 

The moment I reached my desk, I saw this left by Sylvia!! 

I felt so sad cuz she's no longer at the office anymore ): will def miss her randomly imitating wailoon's voice, her singing with so much actions and all her lame puns. Hahahah. 

I'll miss sof a lot as well ): 

Moving on, after a month of break, I'm finally back to doing what I enjoy doing 

Work today and left the shop for a little while to attend Syl's advance 21st birthday cum farewell party 

And had dinner with Joanne and Dg after work! Like after not eating with them for a week. They insisted it was 3 but I'm super sure it was only 1. 

And I'm now at bpp because I decided to get down for God knows what reason. 

I'M SO BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

Realize that whenever I take a 9-5 kinda job I'll have this incredible urge to hang out every Friday and Saturday night and also, I get extremely bored?!

 Like I always knew I get bored easily but then this time it's like I get really really bored all the time and I have this need to be entertained so much.

What have I become *bawls* maybe a 9-5 job is not for me.

lol. okay bye.