Planning for your 21st

It's been a really long time since I've done this that I almost forgot how to start.

HELLO INTERNET FRIENDS!

I know my 21st birthday was wayyyyy over but I told myself while planning my own birthday party that I will come up with a post to help those who might need a little guiding to hosting their own party and so here I am – after several months of procrastination but I'm sure many of you are nice enough to understand.

Just a little bit of detail before I get started. My 21st birthday was last year and it was held at NSRCC.
I wanted to host 2 separate birthday parties initially (one for family/relatives and the other for friends) because I felt that it might be awkward for my friends if there are too many adults around but I ditched that idea in the end. Even so, it all went on well.



I only had one objective for my party which was for everyone to enjoy themselves and not have anyone feel excluded/awkward/be isolated in cliques.

I remember being so troubled over this while I was planning my party because I really didn't want it to be like most 21st parties I've been to where everyone is just seated in their own cliques mingling among themselves. So much so that I kept telling my parents and friends months before the party "if everyone in the room is awkward with one another and in their own little groups, then I don't want to hold a party".

But Joshua told me "if your friends are really your friends then they would socialise and not be awkward because if they are awkward, the only person it reflects badly on is you" so, I decided to just chill out and put my faith in my friends.

Now, back to planning

1. Objectives
Knowing the objectives you want to achieve for your party is more important than the dramatic themes you can think of (or at least for me). I feel like knowing the objectives of hosting your birthday party will help you plan so much better. For me, I didn't want it to be awkward so I'd put most of my time and effort in planning the games that my friends can play to get to know each other and encourage them to socialise.

For many of the 21st parties I've been to, the goal was to get as many nice photos possible and so to achieve that, their planning mainly focuses on the theme, deco and getting a photobooth/photographer.

2. Guests
It's not a party without guests. While the venue of your party is important, knowing who and the number of people you would like to invite helps you in choosing your venue a lot easier. If you booked the venue of your party first, say a small boutique hotel before even considering the number of guests you're inviting then you're basically going to blame yourself later when you realise you are unable to invite as many people as you wished to due to space constraints or the hotel's policy.

Because my objective was to minimise the chances of people hanging out in groups instead of socialising, I decided to drop many people off my list and only selected people whom I am confident of them staying in my life for a lonnnnnng time. I wanted my close friends to know each other better and next time when I talk about the people I love, they can finally put a face to the name.

3. Venue
Up next is the venue for your party! Which is probably one of the hardest to decide. Typically, the choices are either at home, cafes, function rooms, hotel or chalets.

However, while I was researching on venues, I found out a few other places that aren't so typical compared to those which I've mentioned. For example, void decks (yeah it is possible and pretty cheap too), botanic gardens, tanjong beach club, KTV rooms or you might just want to book a whole airbnb apartment.

Very often, people choose between booking a cafe venue vs a chalet so I decided to list out some pro and cons (based on own as well as friends' experiences).

But whatever the venue is, make sure you always book in advance especially for SAF chalets because they're half of the time fully booked! I would say book it 3/4 months in advance.

4. Theme
We're down to the more exciting part. *cheers* For me, the theme wasn't thaaaat important to me. However, my friends told me that if I wanted my photos to come out nicely, I should at least have a theme so I had all my friends wear white which was a more convenient colour. And thank god I listened to them because honestly, if you don't have a theme your photos gonna come out pretty wrecked (esp for group photos) unless you have an extremely good photographer + he/she helps you edit the photos taken. I helped John edit all his photos for his birthday because he didn't have a theme and the place wasn't decorated and gawdddd it really took a lot of time and effort especially since I didn't have lightroom.

I know of people who paid for planners to help them decorate their venue and buffet table. But you can always do it yourself and if you have really good friends around, they'll probably volunteer their services to help you decorate the place.

Yanting came right after her work, tired and hungry to help me out (cause I ordered her to haahahahhah). I remember Jingci and Cassa calling me to tell me they'll come early and they even asked me to take a video to show them how much I've decorated the place already so that they can buy more decos to make the place look nicer?!?!?! (I know how expensive it is to buy those that they bought wtf what did I ever do to deserve people like them *bawl eyes out*

Note: You can many decorations and balloons at taobao for a fraction of the price that's sold in Singapore so do make sure you do your homework and plan early. To blow up helium balloons, you can go to any balloon shop to do it for you but I would suggest you just buying/renting a helium gas tank cause it's so much cheaper – I bought myself a helium tank which looked really cute but I have to leave it at the chalet after that because there was no more space in the car. Meh ):

5. Food
Next would be food. Which is probably the simplest? Just cater whatever food you would like to have! For my cake, while I know that many people are particular about how pretty it looks for photo taking, I didn't really bothered about how it looks as long as it tasted good. And boy, did it taste good. I've got many friends coming to me to tell me how nice the cake was and how it's probably the best crepe cake they ever had. *YAY*

6. Entertainment
Keeping your guests entertained may/may not be one of your priorities. You could just have your guests talk among themselves or stay in cliques and watch you strut around the venue but because (back to my objectives) I wanted everyone to socialise and be involved and so, that was what I spent most of my planning on. 

I prepared a little quiz that all my friends had to do to get them to socialise and with the points they earned, they will be able to redeem it for the dares that Theo came up with.

But this plan totally failed. Some of my friends did attempt to answer 

some of the questions though!

Tool tip: Your games are not going to be played/work unless you have someone else to host it/an emcee. 

I initially had Theo in mind to help me out with the games but she couldn't make it back to Singapore in time for my party so the whole plan pretty much failed. Nobody is going to listen to the birthday girl/boy if she does it her/himself especially when she/he has to be going around entertaining other guests.

Nevertheless, my friends all managed to be involved somehow and we played some other games together so that was fine I guess.

7. Invitation
Now, when is it a good time to start inviting? AS SOON AS YOUR VENUE IS BOOKED! Yes, I am not kidding. You might think months in advance is wayyyy to soon but I rather be informing my friends early so I get to "secure" the date in their schedule first than tell them a week or two in advance and they might already made plans for that day. What I did was to inform them months in advance and then send out the official invite as a reminder 2 weeks before the actual date of the party.

One thing I've learnt from this is that if your friends are really good friends, they would save the date and plan their work/meet ups etc around it just so they can make it to your birthday - after all, you informed them months in advance right? (Unless it is due to unforeseen emergency circumstances) Because I told my friends in advance, many of them were able to work their schedules out and plan take their leaves in advance (for those who have to work) etc. You get the drift. 

Of course, you'll have people who refuse to rsvp (what's new) but that's just that and you just got to learn that not everyone will make time for you. I have friends that took leave, postpone their outings/holidays to make just to keep that date free.
Shout out to those of you who took leave/kept that date free/postpone your stuffs just to attend my party. You guys know who you are and I remember who you are, you are awesome!!

And now that you've got it all prepared, it's time to treat yourself a little and enjoy the time before you step into adulthood :)


P/s. My party was a success of course!

And it's all because I have wonderful friends :)

THE TIME BEFORE YOU BROKE ME

I wanted to feel loved and be loved. But as soon as I felt it, I pulled away. 

Funny how my heart aches when I feel loved. 

Funny how my mind and my heart has gotten so used to the pain that I have experienced while I was loving the people I loved.

Funny that now when someone loves me and I feel loved, my mind quickly connects and links that to all the hurts and disappointments that I can't even put to words.

Funny how love now, hurts.

And all I ask for is to be able to love and feel loved again without aching.

THE BRAVE MAY NOT LIVE FOREVER, BUT THE CAUTIOUS DON'T LIVE AT ALL.

Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. Get up, take a shower, pick up the pieces and do something for myself.
I learnt that my past has made me much of a stronger person, enough to protect someone while I'm hurting and yet, hold it all together. I plucked up the courage and faced my fears, I live a life that I want because I had the guts to admit to my feelings and face the truth – unlike you.

You think you know all about it then it seems you are wrong,

She hit it out of the park before it’d even begun, I needed sunshine in the darkness burning out, 

Well now I know that I’m the fuel and she’s the spark. 

We are bound to each other’s hearts, Cold, torn, and pulled apart 

This love, is like wildfire, 

And to my word now I’ll be true, I can’t stop this breaking loose 

This love, is like wildfire, Like wildfire.

ONTO BETTER THINGS

It is definitely such a downer that I decided to post a heavy hearted post when we are just 3 weeks into the new year. But this post has been kept at the back of my head since Christmas and I am not one to just "let things go" if I feel so bothered by it. So I just thought I will get everything I have been wanting to say typed out.

As much as I love bringing up my past self, I have come to a point where I finally admit that those were in the past and I can never be the person I used to be. I said this in my previous post. From 2013 - 2015, I was struggling with identifying with myself so much because even though I am fully aware that things have changed, and have to change, I was unable to come to terms with the many things that have happened. - Those situations/circumstances have forever changed me, the way I feel about things, the way I see things, the way I learn to deal with things.

I guess the reluctance to accept that things have changed, including me, lead me into the state of self identity crisis. I no longer know who I was, who I am and who I wanted to be. And these, eventually lead me to be a person with such incredible low self esteem especially in 2014 and 2015.

I have never been so paranoid and have never doubted myself so much. NEVER. But of course, nobody knew. Except for a few, or those who were observant enough to notice. Behind the facade of the girl who was once so sure of herself, was a self doubting girl, in need of constant assurance. My poor bestf who had to deal with her own set of problems had to be there to help me deal with mine.

But nobody knew, nobody could tell. Because I was still acting like the strong headed girl who didn't mind about hurting others with her words as long as she could say her last. But each time after those incidents/fights/quarrels, I would turn to Theo and Yanting and asked them if everything was truly my fault. I wouldn't even take their "no" for an answer and would often tell them that they were lying to make me feel better.

"Don't you think that it must be true since I am the only one who is and who has been losing her friends?", "Seems like the problem has always been just me". I blamed myself for everything that happened, I even sent out apologies. Even though (right now, clear headed as hell), most of the things that happened wasn't entirely my fault. TBH, I thought it was quite stupid of me to blame myself for everything. NOT that I now think that I was totally right, but I could have been a bigger person to let certain things slide.

I am not the same Charman I used to be. And I won't even want to compare the Charman then and the Charman now because I AM STILL ME. My thoughts might have changed, the way I deal with things have definitely changed but deep down, my personality and my values, remains the EXACT same.

I have been less "forgiving" to those who have left me. But that doesn't mean I haven't already forgiven them. I just stopped welcoming them back into my life with opened arms like I used to. I stopped reaching out to my close/good friends and it is not like I have stopped loving them. I just stopped caring as much especially when I had so much to deal with last year.

This is contradicting to say but hey, as much as I have changed, I am still the same. It hurts me to find out that some of the people I care about won't reach out to me because they think that I have decided to give up on them just cause I stopped making an effort to connect with them.

I used to send really random text message to people I care about to ask them what they are up to, to update them about my life, to get them to meet up. I used to send people Christmas messages and send a personalised messaged to wish EVERY SINGLE ONE of those I love into the new year and remind them how important they are to me. But with so much that was happening, so much to deal with and so much work to do I decided to put it all to a stop.
I can't always be the one reaching out, being available for people that I care about, being the one to remind them that I will always be there. When I made a decision to stop, it broke my heart to realise that everything was really one sided. When Charman stops making an effort the friendship ends. HALF A YEAR I WAITED, but only a few reached out.

Like I have said, I am different now, I learnt and I grow and I have decided that if I have to be the only one who has to make an effort, I will let the friendship go. I free my time up for the people I love, to meet me when they have time and when they have time/are ready, funny that now that I think about it, those were the people who have never done the same for me.

I am still the same Charman that would always put friendship above everything else. I am still the sentimental girl who would keep cards and even text messages just so I could go back and look at them from time to time to remind myself that there was a time when all things were well.

But I have to stop being the girl who for the ones she loves, would forsake all, including herself.

2015: YEAR OF GROWTH, SPONTANEITY, TRAGEDY

Well, hello there. 

After a long break from not blogging, I'm back! Of course I can't miss my yearly tradition of ending the year with another long ass blog post no matter how busy/lazy I am.

This year has been as stated in my title, more or less a tragedy. 

People say that the best age to be is when you turn 21. You're supposed to look your best, be in the best state of mind, health, physical wise.... but for me, I am everything but the total opposite of feeling the best. – I will leave that for later.

I started 2015 a little differently this year when I joined the insane crowd right at Victoria Harbour, Hong Kong for the countdown. 

And went right back to (the most dreaded 3 years) school to complete my last semester as a good student and graduated with a diploma in May. YAY. *Rolls eyes*

Then, came June and together with Yanting, I flew to Perth to surprise my best for her 21st birthday. 

We spent 2 weeks there and I came back to rush the planning for my own 21st birthday. IT. WAS. EXHAUSTING.

Charmy21
Pretty much sums up my party. BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHY DO MY FRIENDS NOT HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY :@Music: Techno Fan - The Wombats
Posted by Charman Chuang on Wednesday, July 8, 2015

A week later on 20th July, I started work in a media agency and fast forward to now, the year passed just like that. MEH.
And in-between the start of work life to the end of the year, I gained weight, looked a lot older, and basically, am in the worst state I have ever been in - looks, health and figure wise.

Nevertheless, 2015 has definitely been memorable. I made many spontaneous decisions this year and regretted none of them.

- I had my hair cut short
And have been keeping it short since Feb.

- I made a few good friends before leaving the shitty school

- Went cycling around Pulau Ubin

 - And hiking at Mc'Ritchie to Bukit Timah

- Made an insane and really spontaneous decision to meet someone I got to know online, something I'd never done/will never do
And I'm glad I did. I just wished I could turn back time and change how I was behaving cause I was pretty rude.

- Attended Social Night

Was made a really proud sister thanks to my brother.

- Then, went for midnight cycling when it was 200PSI. 
We cycled from East Coast Park (ECP) all the way to Gardens By The Bay, Fullerton Hotel, back to ECP and to Changi to watch the planes and back to ECP in the morning. I DIED AND I'M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN, EVER.

- I also made a spontaneous decision to go blonde
Which costed me 1k to get the colours fixed because it first turned green, then really yellow. And eventually, damaged my hair. Not sure if I've regretted it though. I think it's in-between. But oh wells, at least I've tried being blonde once in my life.

- Made an insane decision to go to Bangkok with someone I HAVE NEVER hung out with in 21 years of my life

And thank God it turned out well.

This year, I pampered myself a lot more but I loved myself less.
Facial appointments, hair salon visits, laser, waxing and shopping. NONE of them could make me feel better about myself other than taking care of me, my physical body well. I have never had issues with my self esteem but now.

I realised the importance of knowing who's worth the effort and who's not.
The people I surrounded myself with had a direct impact on the way I feel. I learnt to stop considering people whom don't make an effort, doesn't make me feel appreciated as friends. I learnt so much about letting go last year, and unlike Charman in the past, I had no qualms about inviting people who are not planning to stay, to leave my life. And to those who left me and wanted yourself back in this year,

WHATEVER. LOL.

I learnt that money really doesn't mean anything if you do not have time; for your loved ones or even for yourself.

I felt so much like a zombie working almost 24/7. Knocking off at 2am and going home to continue with work till 4am before going to bed and starting the same cycle again after 3hrs of sleep. 

I learnt that some choices made in life, can close certain doors for you and it's impossible to turn it around. 

I regretted nothing. But at the same time, I can't help but wished I had woken up sooner.

There comes a point in time when you know that you can no longer grasp what's no longer there because what has passed, is now past. The only thing you know to and the only thing you can do, is to keep moving forward and improve. I distant so much from the person I used to be, I can no longer remember who she was. I used to mention "The old me/Charman" a lot because I couldn't let go and I didn't want to move on. But I've accepted it now, I've grown, I've learnt and I changed.

So this is good bye 2015, I CAN'T WAIT TO START A NEW YEAR.

January has been all planned out since 2 months ago and I so am ready for it. Can't wait to build myself, my health and my life back up from square 1. In 2016, I am going to work towards being the best version of myself.