You either take advantage or be taken advantage of

My best friend once told me this 

"If you depend on others for your own happiness, you're in for a world of disappointment after disappointment."

How true this is...

I have always placed my friends above everything else in my life. Always.

And thought maybe just like how I've placed them above everything else, it'll be the same for them or I'll at least be one of their priority or something. 

But growing up especially during the past (almost) 2 years, I realized all those silly quotes about friendship are just plain bullshit. 

Friends are NOT always there for you and WILL NOT do anything they can in their power to help you up when you're down.

Friends like to make all kinds of promises like "Cheer up, I'm always here for you"

But just how many times have you felt like you've got no one to go to/there's no one there for you when you're down?

"I'm always here for you" doesn't always mean that way. Very often, when that promise/statement is made, it is made under underlying terms like:

1) If I'm not lazy to send you a text

2) If I am not sad myself

3) If I can be bothered enough. etc.

And it all comes down to one thing: CONVENIENCE.

I said this years ago,

True friends aren't friends who are there just because it's convenient.

True friends are friends who are there even when it's inconvenient.

True friends are friends who would be there for you when you're crying over a breakup etc at 4am.

They are the ones who would rush down to where you are when you're so upset, you can't seem to get up. They are the ones who would take time out just to accompany you because they know you're afraid of being alone. They're the ones who would be there, even when being there doesn't exactly profit them  and isn't convenient at all. 

But sadly, these are just MY opinion of what true friends are.

And I realized more often than not, friends are only "true friends" when it is convenient for them to do so. 

They only send you a cheer up text because they have their phone on hand and have nothing to attend to. They only ask you out because they have spare time and have nothing much to do. They are only there because they need you.

Just how often have we come across people who would send us a message to tell us to cheer up, telling us that they will be here for us then for the next few days, weeks or months, we wouldn't hear from them?

I mean, if they're truly here for you and care for you, wouldn't they check on you daily till they are sure you are okay? 

They don't do that because it is too much effort, they have no time and it is inconvenient. 

Despite all that, we often force ourselves to get over it and forgive. 

Because as much as we dislike how "fake"/insincere our "true friends" can be, we need them.

 So, how long should we hold on?

How nice should we be till it's alright for us not to be nice anymore?

I used to act like a total bitch in the past. And I've changed. Here's proof.

If you were to ask me if I've ever regretted becoming nice, my answer would be yes.

Because when you're mean and very much like a bitch, you have a heart of stone and you don't feel much; For anyone or anything. You wouldn't let anyone take advantage of you. People usually, wouldn't dare disappoint you. Basically, you hardly lose out at all.

And being nice, people just take advantage of you A LOT.

I don't even wish to elaborate because the list would be never ending. You're just someone that people like to take advantage of. PERIOD

So then, why did I change?

Because, PEOPLE.

I became nice because people were first nice to me when I was at the lowest point of my life.

And sad to say,
It's usually only when people have gone through "suffering" then will they start to become nice. Because they know how it feels like to be disappointed, betrayed, criticized etc.

What am I really saying?
I'm asking for you, not to stop being nice.

WHAT!!?!?!?
DID YOU READ IT CLEAR?
YES, I ASKED FOR YOU NEVER TO STOP BEING NICE

Evan once asked me what's the good of being nice. All you get is to be taken advantage of. And I couldn't think of an answer why should she continue being nice. So I told her, to be nice because she's the person that people think of when problem arises.
What a stupid answer!?!?!


But at the bottom of my heart, I so much want to say, because it was her being nice that kinda make me want to be nice. It was how she always listened to my problems and the little things she did for me that made me feel a lot better when I'm down and that's why, I told myself I wanted to be nice too. Because just like how I felt she was my "hero" the only one I can go to with all my problems without her judging me, I wanted to be the same for others too.

Your actions do influence others.

So don't stop being nice.
If not, how would people people know what kindness can actually do for them?
How would they know kindness if you don't show it to them first?

But kindness is not meekness.
You can be kind, yet strong.

So how long should you hold on?
You should stop holding on when you feel things aren't worth it anymore.

Things will always depreciate in value. You buy a watch and use it, it loses it's value. But once the watch starts getting moldy and instead of helping you tell time, it starts giving you infection/skin problems on your wrist, it's time to throw it and get a new one.

Just like friendships, once people start taking advantage of you, pulling you down, once they start to become the negative energy in your life, it's time to put them down.

You'll NEVER get out of the same cycle if you continue staying in it.

Sometimes we forget that the way to remove ourselves from the same old cycle or a certain situation is simply just to get out and let go.

And I'm not asking you to cut them off.
What I'm saying is to stop holding on to them so tightly as before like better ones won't come at all.

This is,
 self-respect.

Don't use your time thinking about people/on people who aren't worth it at all. Stop sulking because of them, let go and get out. Be there for them, be kind to them, but don't waste your time on them.
The most precious thing you can give to people is your time. And if they are not giving you their time, don't give it to them at all.


You either take advantage or be taken advantage of.

But you can also choose not to believe in neither.
Because kindness is not meekness and if you understand this, you'll be the winner of it all.