The past few months in a completely new environment wasn't easy for me. Luckily for nice classmates, or I probably wouldn't make it through.
For days and months, I struggled to cope and get used to a completely new environment. People who know me well would know that I ain't someone who likes changes. Especially having to cope with them alone.
As yesterday marks the end of a Semester, except that I have yet to take my exams, I silently congratulated myself for being able to get through it.
I can't recall the number of times when I had to leave the class especially on Fridays to force back the urge to cry. I remember the times when I would suddenly text my girls to tell them that I miss Swiss and how upset I am that they weren't with me.
I can clearly remember how I was back in sec1 when I was also new to the school. I didn't like my class at that point of time and refused to open up to them because I was afraid of getting hurt. I will never forget how I was so surprised to know that Wanhei had actually been in the same class with me all along when we were promoted to sec2.
And how I only started to open up to L and decided to meet him outside school for the first time in 2 years.
These people were the ones who grew up with me, heard me laugh and watched me cry.
They saw how I was a bitch, got betrayed and grew up trying to learn to be someone nice.
They were the ones who were willing to forgive me for mistakes that I have made and gave me a second or even a third try.
They know how I am brutally honest, how I rant but still cares inside.
They know so much about me because of my past I can't hide.
Sometimes I really don't know if I'm lucky to have so many of you dote on me in your ways.
And how most of you would always give in to me every step of the way.
I miss how Huimin, Wanhei and Katty used to collect rolls of toilet papers for me when I had flu and passed me packets of tissue when I cry. I miss how Aiksoon used to the "hello girl" act to entertain me. I miss how the class would somehow know whenever I got into fights. I miss how Theo or Jingyin would know the corners in school I would be hiding in whenever I cry. How many of you like gave me nicknames like cheerful and short skirts. I miss how some would go down to the canteen to buy food for me when I was depressed in sec3. I miss how some of them would came and hug me whenever they know I'm about to cry. Or how John Lim would sing to me whenever I cry. I miss how Clarence would always join me to disturb and prank people in class. I miss the random water fights I started and how people joined in and called me "fire fighter". I miss how we would help each other with the uniforms each time before a performance or parade. I miss how we would fall out and shout "Swiss Winds" at the end of each tiring CCA day. I miss how we would cry together and comfort each other when we didn't do well to make the seniors proud. I miss how we would run up to the stage during National or Teachers Day. I miss how some of my juniors would tease me whenever they know I'm pretending to be angry. I miss how I Cheekiat would call me "dajie" when he sees me in school because he knows it would make me happy. I miss how I could run inside the Library to talk to Evan whenever I'm feeling down. I miss how I used to share everything with Joshua, Zhiming and Zhengyong and how Zhengyong would always fight with me over the Swiss bear. How Jingci will be randomly shouting my name when she sees me in school. I miss how you guys would constantly nag, scold and encourage me to study. I miss how Azura and Neethya would always be patient and listen to my nonsense. I miss how many of you tried to help me with my Maths and Chemistry.
I miss how things used to be.
There's just so many things that people who know we now, would never know about me.
How I am slow to open up to people, how I was hurt by people and how I almost went into depression because I lost a few who were dear.
It's just intimidating and so weird now that I wouldn't see many familiar faces when I go to the canteen. The food I used to eat and how I would just stop randomly at places in Swiss to talk to people I know. It's just so different now in a new environment that I would rather stay in class during lunch instead to eat.
It's so different now that I can no longer run and jump around the school so randomly. How people used to tell me that my voice is so loud, they can hear me from different parts of the school.
"There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will."
There's so many to name out, so many that I remember. My girls, the whole of 5N, my batch mates (which includes some from NT and express) and band (seniors and juniors). It's you guys who have made a difference in my life that I would NEVER forget.
Here's to you for accepting my good and my bad(s), for embracing me even after I've done things to you which I regret, for watching me grow up and being there every step of the way and hopefully, still be with me for the rest of the days.
Thanks for loving me when I'm not lovable at all.
me: "Y U NO MAKE FRIENDS?" @kissonyou : "CAUSE I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO MUCH IDIOT!" words can't express this feeling I have now LOL
