When everything is wrong, we move along

Started off my Friday morning with a stupid treasure hunting game thanks to Clarence Tan. This guy, being an ass and living up to our name as usual, was being an ass. (lol, does that sentence even make sense?)

Anyway, what he did was to create folders in folders and in more folders and threw the document I wanted into a random folder. I had to search folders by folders for it.

Anyhow, school on Friday was total crap for me.
I got no idea where they found that kinda facilitator to come and teach?!?!
That was the very first time I actually shouted at the teacher. No one, no teacher has actually made me lose my respect and my temper towards them.

Which after the whole "show", my classmates started coming to me to tease me about the matter -.-

If I should stay, I would only be in your way.

So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way.


We wonder what happened, if it's our fault or theirs? Did we neglect the friendship or did they no longer need what we had to give.

 You left me crying with just one phone call. Stupid girl.

One right doesn't cover all wrongs just like how one wrong would never cover all rights.

Is it wrong to cheat? Yes.
Nothing he ever did right can ever cover this one wrong. But why is it that people make it easier/more acceptable to forgive a man who has never done anything more right and did a few wrongs than to forgive a man who did many rights and only one wrong?

I trust his integrity because I watched him since I was at the age of 9. I know this guy! This was the man that reminded me what's right from wrong when I was at the age of 13 and taught me to mend my ways. This was the guy who lead a team of people to do humanitarian works all around the world. The guy who taught me what was written in the gospel, to have kindness in me.

Yet, the facts that are presented to me right, as of today, in front of my eyes and on the papers are also, undeniable. I would not be true to myself if I say that I honestly believe that he DID NOT do anything wrong. Neither would I be true to my heart if I said I no longer believe in his integrity because as long much as I know what's written about the church, I know that some aren't true.

More than these, I was taught to forgive. But I learnt to NEVER, NEVER EVER, forget.
Sent via BlackBerry from SingTel!

My Church My Life #IBelieveInTheCHCCrossover

Before you go "OH. This is probably another shitty testimony from a delusional City Harvest member trying to help Pastor Kong cover up what he has done." No.
Because this blog post ain't one.

First and foremost, I love Pastor Kong. In fact, I still do. (Yes, despite what he has done. And if you are asking for a reason, it's simple. -Because if one says he love, he should also be able to say "I forgive".)

It's like how your parents will never abandon you just because you did too many wrong. Or like how you would forgive your friends/boyf/girlf if they lie to you because sometimes, you just can't bear to have them out of your life.
The only reason, love.

"One doesn't love a family member because he did no wrong, but because we are family"

That doesn't mean he shouldn't be punished if the law has proven him to be guilty. 
HE SHOULD. 

Note: I DO BELIEVE in the Crossover project. But if our donations are really used to fund Sun's singing career, then I think it is wrong.
I'm not contradicting myself. I do support the project. But that only means if Sun and Pst Kong used their OWN money voluntarily or the donations given were clearly stated that it was given to help fund the project/people gave with the intentions of having their money used to fund the project.

But why do OUTSIDERS care so much when their money isn't even part of the 23mils? 
Those of you who aren't even part of the congregation complained as if you have been cheated off your money. OKAY CAN. If so, how much did you donate? NONE.
So why all the angst from people who have got nothing to do with it?

To be blunt, IS IT YOUR MONEY OR OUR MONEY.
"Don't make YOUR problem, MY problem" is a thing you people like to say when someone is in need of help or wants to find someone to take the blame. So why make OUR problem YOUR problem now?

If the members of the church aren't angry over it, the more it gives you a reason NOT TO BE isn't it?
Unless we feel angry over being cheated as well then yes, by all means, let's all complain. But no? The victims are not probing over the matter so why should you?

And to be fair, let me make a stand for some of the members. Why we aren't angry about the matter isn't because we're delusional. If the matter is true, I am disappointed. 
Why we aren't angry is because like what you people say, "God will judge".
We gave our offerings, tithes, to God. Whatever happens to it, I don't care because I have already done my part. The rest, is really up God to judge.

Do you give your donations and really check to make sure it was delivered to the needy and so on?
Especially those you give on flag day. Did you go home and check who actually benefited from your giving? NO. 
Because you know you have already done your part by giving.

Then, why must some of you make us angry when we don't feel angry at all?

Of course, some of your anger might be reasonable as it was stirred up after some of the members made nasty remarks about nonbelievers. 
For that, I apologize. Still, do take into considerations that some of the remarks made might not be from the members themselves but by outsiders who just want to make a commotion out of it. 
At the same time, no human is perfect, the members of the church are wrong to make such nasty comments.

Also, don't bash on Christians' faith just because of this one incident.
Just like how we shouldn't be calling all the Muslims terrorist and all the Buddhist cheats.

+ When members say that they are praying for pastor, they are praying that the truth is revealed and justice to be done. Keeping Pastor Kong in prayers does not mean that we wish/hope God would cover up the truth if Pastor did wrong because we were also taught that we would be dealt accordingly to our disobedience and misconduct. (MTA, I think it is wrong if some of the members are praying for the truth to be covered -if our pastor did wrong and yes, then I would say, they are delusional and have been attending church for the wrong reasons.)

Pst Kong DID change and transform many lives for the better. As much as he should be praised for the good that he has done, if he did wrong, he should be punished too.

I'm done here.
Whatever happens after this would be all up to the Law, Justice and God. 
The verdict is not out yet, we shall see.
Read this as well: http://joeljoshuagoh.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/on-the-kong-hee-scandal/

To CHC members who are reading this, don't forget, above all else, CHOOSE LOVE.

After all that has been said, I WILL still attend church not because I support that actions of Pst Kong if did wrong but because, the church is a family I grew up in. 

I am also thankful for friends who are not judgmental and sensitive enough not to bring up this topic because they knew it affected me.

A good scare is worth more than good advice.

I have always been told by my ex that I always let the wrong people in. I have always been told by my friends to stop crying for people who aren't worth it and told by my seniors that one thing I always fail to do is to let people mean too much to me.

They are probably right.

And no matter the amount of times I'm able to forgive, there will always come a time when I'll be changed, and destroyed by it.

I'm actually pretty amazed by the fucks I NO LONGER GIVE.
By how unconcerned I am to my friends.
It may seem pretty unfair to them but I as much as I wish I could, I can't help myself. Why should I keep going through the same cycle to get my emotions messed up by people again?


Never once have I had an easy time opening up to people and trusting them.
Each time I do that, it takes a whole lot of faith, effort and courage to open up to them, expose myself, place all my cards on the table and stay there like an idiot to see when I'll finally lose it all.
People who know me well, know this too damn well.

But why?
Why did you choose to make use of all the faith I had in me for your own selfish gains?
Was it fun for you to walk away and see if I was willing to let you try again?

And more than being amazed by how much I've changed because of disappointments, how I am now so unconcerned, I miss, myself.
Yup, myfuckingself

The bubbly, cheerful, Charman filled with child-like faith that everyone once knew.

When I was crying at a corner of the school, the knew where to look for me

Remember what I said to you?
Maybe sometimes we have to accept that some people will never leave our heart even if we left theirs. 

And when you come back, could it be
If I see you again,
I'll tell you that i miss you.
(CC!)

Maybe if we don't talk about them it'll just go away.

Some gifboom and instagram photos taken from last week.

It's Friday again!

Time seems to pass quicker and quicker each year, every week. 

I don't know if it's just me feeling this way because of my age or it's true that we have no time left but whatever it is, I wish time could slow down a bit.

Growing up sucks. (Guess most of you would be thinking "ya lah, there she goes again. Growing up is moving on and moving on means letting go.....")

As often as I wish it isn't, it's true.

This week has been pretty fulfilling for me.

Not in the sense that I've worked hard or sorts but that I'm starting to like some of my classmates a little more.

Still, this week was filled with them teasing me everyday because apparently, someone found my blog and decided to share the url of my blog to my classmates. So all of them were teasing me about my blog post on a daily basis. NO JOKE.

DAILY BASIS.

-_____________________-

Oh wells.

Since Monday, I've been waiting and waiting and checking and checking on the Fedex tracking site to see when my shoes will finally be delivered. I love Fedex so much! They're tracking system makes everything so much more worth the wait because I get to know every "check point" of my shoes. LOL.

SO HERE IT IS!!

One tick added to my list of "wants" which means I've one lesser thing to buy and achieved my goal of getting something I want! YAY!

Also, my youngest bro is coming back from China tomorrow! Shall take it as a good thing for now... lol.

At least he'll be back safe, (I PRAY!).

So much to be done tomorrow. From having to watch nemo, TOTALLY CLEARING my wardrobe, to getting my schedules planned and so on.

I wish time could go a little slower. There's too many things which I've yet to accomplish before I turn 18.

URGHXHSKZHKHXKZXZKX

-

Today, one of my classmate said "I think you're those kind who wouldn't give your all in the relationship" Which I didn't deny. Because frankly speaking, I don't. BUT I TRIED.

And you should know it better than anyone else, I really did try.

Too late you may say but only because things I do were never once worthy enough in your eyes.

Just because I didn't give my all doesn't mean I loved you any less.

Nothing can wear you out like caring about people.

And I thought you loved me more than this.