February 6, 2010

Sometimes, I catch myself staring at the ceiling wondering if I’m the only one going through these feelings

I feel tired, restless. This is going to be a super wordy post, nothing to motivate you, nothing inspirational or anything of that sort.

I just have to let things out somewhere because I can't find someone who I can really talk/communicate to, because even before I finish my sentence, it's either you'll get bored, "don't bother" look, give me a stupid look on your face which makes me want to slap some of you hard (hard enough to have that stupid look stay with you on your face like for months. I know it' cartoonish-.-), worse still, give me some stupid gl comments or answers that are not appreciated because I haven't finish my sentence and you have got no idea what the whole story is about.

You asked me to speak, I spoke. Sometimes, you just have to learn to shut up and listen until the person finish talking then decide to give a reply or just shut up and maintain silence until the person cry then, you come in and comfort.
I assume when you ask someone to let things out and not bottle it up inside, so that you can comfort them and make sure they're alright right? Then why comment so much before they even really reached the I-am-done-comfort-me-stage? Wasn't it suppose to be a comforting session. Like, HELLO! I am hoping that you'll comfort me not to find a topic in my trouble(s) then start a debate session with me. Now, your voice just makes me want to slap you real hard. 
GTFO.



I think I just wasted my few weeks at school. I've learnt nothing except for lessons in life.
But I doubt those can help you much if you want to get a good job outside in future.

Many things happened this week, and I hope more would come next week. Just so that I can break down and really cry then, have a new start. (Right-.-I hope more would come. wth?)
But whatever it is, I don't know why, I just hope that I will breakdown and then cry and scream right at people's faces, It makes me think that I'll feel better. Doubt it'll happen though. Anyway, I don't want anything -bad to happen more.
Sorry, I'm just restless.

You don't find me commenting much already. I'm lazy, tired and more tired to do so.


I am part of the family, I don't feel that way. I didn't even know that there'll be an event tonight until they came. I didn't even know she had food poisoning because of the way you treated her like normal days.
I am seek and fed up of what's happening, "only when you speak then I'll understand" wtf manzxx. You don't even bother. What for? I don't like talking to you, don't act like you don't know why. That's why I would prefer staying out rather than going home even when it's late at night. What you want is just to save your own face. Why? Because of your status. I don't care about them. I just want a normal and happy family like my friends do when they can just talk normally with their parents and all, not having to feel weird. Why do I have to go for etiquette lessons. Why do I have rules that normal parents usually would just let this matters loose. Why do we have meetings, I feel like a fool. When I said we don't have mutual understanding about each other, it's not about not enough communication or whatsoever. It's about giving why each actions, why each of us reacted, -to give them a thought.

HEY GIRL, CUT YOUR ACT.
I don't know what you did but whatever. I'm tired of shits. I don't comment already.

So tired of making amendments to satisfy people, and when I can't really get it and disappoint them, I feel guitly and upset. I keep changing, for "myself". That's because I thought they would love me more if I really did. And maybe if I tried but did not suceed. But it's not working, it doesn't work this way. Because in life, you disappoint them, they love you less. But they forgot, at one time, they disappointed someone else or maybe me too. So does that mean I should love them lesser? NO!
LOVE THEM MORE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HEY REALLY NEED. LOVING THEM GIVES THEM THE STRENGTH AND COURAGE JUST TO KEEP TRYING!

At the same time, I think people should know, they should allow nature to take it course for people to transfrom, to become mature, to change. Not to force or rush them. You think they'll be happier after that? No. you just made/forced them to speed things up in their life (thinking that they'll lead a better life after that) and they lost th chance of enjoying the growing up time. Slowly, they lose themselves. I lost myself. 


I miss the person whom I love hanging out with in the bandroom's libaray. (rofl?) The person whom I can share my every thought with. We share happiness together, split our sorrows into half so that we'll feel better.
One day, I can't take it anymore, I'm going to go all the way to dover after school to look for you.

I miss having people whom I can just go over to find them and they'll be there to cheer me up when I need them to.
When you come back, I'm going straight to woodlands to apologise to every single one of you. Then have you guys treat me unfairly but I won't mind because I know it's for my own good.

I miss looking at the time hoping that band will end soon just to go out of school to meet you.

I miss having pranks to do everytime when I'm bored in school.

I miss crying as a band together. Not because of bad things, but because we know we love each and everyone of us like our own.

I miss getting hugs from friends everyday before leaving school.

I miss odering 7 bowls of noodles from canteen auntie all at one time for recess.

I miss betting with you to get free milo treats.

I miss playing hello girl, jump jump.

I miss the time when the whole class practice dance early in the morning for audition.

I miss the time when we got called to the foyer just a few weeks after we got into school for clay fight and making the art room an museum.

I miss running around class and laughing like a idiot till some off you got sick of my cheerfulness.

I miss disturbing people and making them claim to get fame.

I miss the chickenpattygreentea gang

I miss playing on the swing.

efffff. Someone called me to tell me another problem. ok, whatever.
I SHALL SLEEP!


P/s. Happy birthday junkai

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CHARMMAN
kiss on you!